How does a victim of a narcissistic pervert feel? What are the signs that you are or have been the victim of a perverted narcissist? Charming seducer with grandiose ambitions, he fascinates as much as he terrorizes, for his actions are incredibly fine and almost surgical precision. Therefore, it is not always easy to know if we are under its control.
In this article, I share with you the different signs that could indicate that you have suffered the grip of a narcissistic pervert.
What is a narcissistic pervert?
The narcissistic pervert is surely the most popular manipulator of our time. According to a 2009 US study, 7.7% of men and 4.8% of women were diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. In love, in family, in friendship and at work, the narcissistic pervert is certainly among us and he would make at least 3 severe victims during his life.
The narcissistic personality disorder is a complex mental illness that usually results in a low empathy, a grandiose perception or self exaggerated and extreme need for admiration and attention. People with this disorder sometimes exhibit manipulative and controlling behavior that involves both verbal abuse and emotional manipulation. This is all narcissistic abuse. These tactics can confuse you, make you doubt your sense of reality, and undermine your self-esteem.
A diagnosis of narcissistic behavior disorder does not automatically translate into abusive behavior, and many people who abuse do not have narcissistic behavior disorder. Either way, a mental health diagnosis is never an excuse for abusive behavior. People choose to abuse and manipulate others, and it is possible to live with traits of narcissism, or any other personality disorder, without becoming violent.
What are the symptoms of post-narcissistic stress?
Post-narcissistic stress syndrome is a term that describes specific and often serious effects of narcissistic abuse. Post-narcissistic stress sets in during the relationship with a narcissistic pervert and remains present when one breaks free from the relationship.
While not a recognized mental disorder, many experts do recognize that narcissistic abuse can have serious and lasting consequences on a person’s emotional health and future. The main symptoms are:
1. You have intrusive thoughts.
The brain altered by trauma of narcissistic abuse now has a powerful emotional system that responds to the world around it. It also has a powerful generator of intrusive thoughts and involuntary feelings that suddenly seem to take over. The brain reacts to both external and internal stimuli generating its own distress.
Trauma, abuse and betrayal throw these systems out of balance. And they can stay out of balance until they are treated with a healing process.
2. You feel isolated.
When your loved ones aren’t listening to you, you probably feel very lonely. This makes you vulnerable to further manipulation. The person who is abusing you may bring you back to their fold with kindness, even apologies, or by pretending that the abuse never happened. This tactic often works best when you lack support. You are more likely to doubt your perceptions of violence when you cannot talk to anyone about it.
If your loved ones reach out to tell you that you made a mistake and encourage you to give the abusive partner another chance, you might end up doing it just to reconnect with them.
3. The entourage does not believe you.
Narcissistic abuse is often subtle. When it occurs in public, it can be so well disguised that other people hear or see the same behaviors and do not recognize them as abuse. You may not even fully understand what is going on. You only know that you feel confused, upset, or even guilty of your “mistakes”.
You hope your friends and loved ones believe you, but unfortunately that isn’t always the case. Your loved ones may not doubt your belief that you have been abused, but they may question your perception of events or assure you, “You must have misunderstood them. They would never hurt you intentionally ”.
This doubt can be doubly harmful. Not only does it demolish your faith in your loved ones, it can make you wonder if the abuse really happened after all. You might have read too much of their lyrics or imagined that look on their face.
4. You are undergoing a smear campaign.
People with narcissistic traits often need to maintain their image of perfection in order to continue to gain the admiration of others. They can do this by trying to make you look bad.
Narcissistic people often have a knack for charming others. The character they showed you at the start? Everyone still sees it. If you start to point out issues or question their behavior, they may involve other people in criticizing you. By telling those close to you that distort the facts about your “harmful” or “unstable” behavior, the narcissist is trying to discredit you.
They can often win the support of your loved ones by insisting that they only have your best interests at heart. Then, when you try to explain the abuse, those close to you can side with them.
5. You suffer from social anxiety.
Social anxiety can be a side effect of many survivors of narcissistic abuse. On a more practical level, since narcissists tend to isolate and control us in these relationships, we become overly vigilant about their moods and behaviors, which can not only drain us emotionally, but also prevent us from dealing with other people during the relationship and even after.
Also known as “social phobia”, social anxiety disorder is a mental health problem that results in an extreme and constant fear of being watched and especially judged by people, whether they are strangers or people whom they are not. you know. This crippling fear can affect your ability to function in the world, whether at work, school, or any other daily activity. Many people with social anxiety report that it is difficult for them to make and keep friends.
6. You make bad decisions.
A pattern of worthlessness and criticism can leave you with very low self-esteem and confidence. Narcissistic abuse often involves making bad decisions and then not doing anything right afterwards.
The abusive person may even call you downright stupid or ignorant, although they may insult you in a deceptively affectionate tone. Over time, you may begin to absorb these insults and associate them with your self-perception, causing you to constantly question yourself. You doubt your ability to make decisions and create a vicious cycle that increasingly affects your self-confidence.
7. You feel guilty.
One of the main characteristics of narcissism is the difficulty in taking responsibility for any negative actions or harmful behavior. Narcissists usually find a way to put the blame on you. He can achieve this by deception, often by insisting that he said something you have no memory of and getting so angry that you end up pacifying him by apologizing and acknowledging that you had. wrong.
Even after leaving the relationship, you may continue to suffer from feelings of guilt and believe that there is nothing right that you can do. When things go wrong in other areas of life, you may find it difficult to accept that you are not the source of these problems.
8. You have symptoms of anxiety and depression.
Anxiety and depression often appear as a result of narcissistic abuse. The significant stress you are facing can trigger lingering feelings of worry, nervousness, and fear, especially when you never know what to expect because of their behavior.
You may feel hopeless or worthless, lose interest in the things that made you happy, and find it difficult to look to the future with more hope. Either of these can worsen feelings of worthlessness and lower self-esteem even further.
9. You have physical symptoms.
If you don’t know what someone is going to do or say at any given time, you may develop a great deal of tension from having to regularly prepare for conflict. Worries about the constant stream of criticism can also leave you constantly on edge. You may not know how to relax anymore.
As a result, this emotional abuse can trigger feelings of anxiety and nervousness which sometimes result in physical symptoms like changes in appetite, extreme fatigue, insomnia, muscle pain, upset stomach. , nausea, stomach pain and other gastrointestinal disturbances.
Using alcohol and other substances can sometimes seem like a helpful way to manage these symptoms, including insomnia. As a result, you may end up consuming more than you would like for the purpose of dealing with unwanted feelings or physical distress.
10. You don’t recognize yourself.
You spend time doing what your partner wants to do, so they know you really love them. So you stop going out with your friends. Then you give up your hobbies, you don’t have drinks with your coworkers after work, and you end up canceling your weekly visit to your mom.
When confronted with psychological or physical violence , many people end up adapting their identity to that of their abuser. These changes often lead to a loss of self-esteem, which can make you feel lost and empty. You might struggle to enjoy life and lose sight of who you are.
How to beat post-narcissistic stress syndrome?
Any form of abuse can have significant consequences for emotional and physical health. If your loved ones still doubt you or tell you to move on, you may not feel listened to or supported. This can make it hard to trust people again, and you will feel isolated and lonely.
Whether you’re just starting to notice the first signs of narcissistic abuse or are still trying to make sense of a relationship you’ve already left, professional abuse healing help can help you begin to heal by learning coping strategies to manage mental health symptoms resulting from narcissistic abuse.
I am Agnès de Reulle, your coach and Master Practitioner in Neuro Linguistic Programming trained and certified by Dr Richard Bandler in the United States, expert in liberation from domestic and family violence, in exiting toxic relationships and in mastering legal proceedings.
I myself am a former victim of s*xual, physical and psychological violence. Even if like everyone else life involves difficulties to manage every day, today I am happy to get up in the morning!
It is your turn to come out of this winning event!