15 Qualities for Long-Term Relationships

When I look around me I see a lot of single women.

Young mothers raising their children without a spouse and sometimes even without a father or women aged 50 and over finding themselves alone after 25 or 30 years of living together.

I myself divorced about ten years ago.

I still believe in love and wish to find my “ideal man”.

I dream of a relationship based on love, respect, sharing, tenderness, complicity, laughter!!

Is it realistic?

What are the “secrets” of a lasting and authentic relationship?

Do you also ask this question?

(I could list you what to do to have a bad relationship 😂)

I looked into the subject.

I have watched the workings of the few happy couples I know.

Together for decades or blended families.

I have identified 15 common points to a healthy and balanced relationship filled with love, respect and complicity.

I wanted to share them with you.

Characteristic #1: Choose the right person:

Makes sense, you say? And yet it is not so obvious.

How many of us have said: “Ah if I had chosen the right person…”

It is essential to recognize the right person.

This requires good self-knowledge.

Even if the person ticks all the boxes (or almost) of the ideal man or woman for you, even if love is there, you feel deep inside yourself that this is not it .

You have trouble projecting yourself into the future with this person.

Before throwing stones at him, look at your own wounds and your reactions to your past experiences, to your beliefs. Sometimes they are the ones that limit us.

As a last resort, you need to trust your instincts and listen to your inner voice.

Characteristic #2: Love yourself first:

You can only give what you have.

To give love to another person and to receive it, you have to learn to love yourself first.

Know your true value, your qualities, your faults.

If you don’t know how to appreciate yourself, your spouse won’t know how to either.

Characteristic #3: Be yourself:

At the beginning of any relationship or even when we go out on the first dates, we tend to hide our flaws.

We want to make a good impression and highlight our qualities.

We play a role, a bit like in the theatre. We want the leading role!!

We are all imperfect beings. And sooner or later the natural returns at a gallop.

It is better to (re) know the faults of your partner.

You will know if they are perhaps an obstacle to your love in the future or not aligned with your values.

On the contrary, revealing your true personality does not mean behaving badly, being disrespectful within the couple.

Characteristic #4: Accept differences:

When you think about it, we are 2 unique and specific entities.

Each of us grows up with an upbringing, sometimes even a completely diverse culture, a distinct mentality.

Love requires an open mind, an acceptance of the differences of the other.

However, each retains its own specificity, remains faithful to its values.

See the other as he is and not as you idealize him.

Feature #5: You don’t have to do everything together:

You don’t have to like everything your partner likes or force them to like what you like.

It is rewarding to try new activities, to get out of your comfort zone, to explore new things that you might not have dared to do on your own.

This allows you to get to know each other better.

However, everyone needs to have their own activities, their friends, their personal space, their “secret garden”.

Characteristic #6: Don’t be afraid to be alone:

Fear of being alone drives many couples to get together and stay in the relationship.

As a single person, if you have confidence in yourself, you feel like a whole being, a fulfilled person.

So you will be happier, more fulfilled in a relationship.

Your personal happiness is not based on a relationship of emotional dependence.

Love enhances your own happiness.

Feature #7: Grow Together:

The key is to see the other as a “means” to becoming a better person.

Behind the success of everyone’s projects is a loving, inspiring and motivating partner.

When you’re frustrated instead of blaming your partner, move on through them.

Become aware of your own wounds through the other and learn to heal them together.

Talk together about each other’s difficulties, confide in each other, support each other.

Become the best friends in the world.

Feature #8: Make More Room in Your Heart:

We all want the same thing: to be happy.

To access happiness we need to love and be loved. To get closer to our spouse in order to create sentimental intimacy.

Become aware of what is good for you. It is easier to see the qualities of the loved one then.

Feature #9: Make the Ordinary Your Extraordinary:

After some time living together, the magic of the beginning disappears and a routine sets in.

The challenge is to transform these habits into a love ritual.

The daily routine, the children, the professional obligations quickly take over. Love frays over time if we’re not careful.

Establish a love ritual with small acts of love to surprise the other, to make your life together a remarkable journey.

It can be sweet nothings, a bouquet of flowers, an unscheduled outing, massages and most importantly: laughing together.

Create a bond, do something fun, light together regularly.

Thanks to a constant “maintenance” you will succeed in keeping and even growing the flame.

“Love is not made in a day, but every day”
– Déborah Imhasly

Feature #10: Make Love Not War:

The majority of arguments in a couple are about sex (number 1).

You argue, then you make up, and you start over.

You feel like you are keeping your relationship in a passionate state.

In fact, you avoid intimacy and in the long run you end up having no more romantic relationships.

The majority of couples over 50 stay in separate rooms when possible.

The concern is the fear of intimacy. Why ?

Discover the cause of this fear and you will reduce your arguments. Talk together. Get help from a specialist.

From a certain age, the hormonal change is also a source of low libido. It is essential to prepare for it together.

Feature #11: Give Love Without Counting:

True happiness is in the love we have for loved ones, how we love them.

For them, not for us.

In general, and unintentionally, the more love we give, the more we receive.

Feature #12: Dare to Ask:

“I would like him to help me…”, “I was expecting…”, “She knows very well that I love her” It’s all in your head!

Did you ask, suggest, express?

We are not soothsayers and do not read other people’s minds.

Your partner can’t know what you like, what would make you happy, without you telling them precisely.

Ask, ask questions.

Imperative: check that your partner has understood what you are saying. Have him repeat what he understood.

Express your feelings. Say “I love you”

Characteristic #13: Trust:

Jealousy is a killer of love.

Jealousy is a negative emotion that refers to the fear of being rejected, of losing the other. It is often linked to a lack of self-confidence and sometimes to childhood.

Without mutual trust, a relationship cannot last long.

It is based on respect (for oneself and for others) and responsibility.

Feature #14: Let Go:

Tap into your own inner resources to offer yourself love, attention, and care when you need it.

Do not wait for the other to fill this void in you otherwise you are putting your sentimental security in their hands.

You are also putting pressure on him.

Let love come to you.

Don’t put expectations on what it should look like. Don’t try to control.

Characteristic #15: Be 100% committed:

I think that’s a fundamental characteristic of a successful relationship.

Each must become aware of their own wounds, experiences, traumas and beliefs that influence and limit the relationship.

Then you have to commit as a couple to heal and grow together.

The couple must be ready to do anything to make the relationship work.

It is a mutual, chosen and conscious commitment.

Married life requires constant effort. From the 2 partners with the same level of commitment.

Prepare for ups and downs

Married life is a bit like a roller coaster.

You are not always on the same wavelength. Even with effort.

A stressful job, job loss, health problems, different ideas on how to educate the children, to manage the house are permanent stress factors on the romantic relationship.

Be aware of this from the start.

Work on your relationship when things are going well. Consult a specialist. Inform yourself. Read books on the subject.

Never take the other for granted, rather for a gift from heaven.

Don’t try to change your partner, start with yourself.

Don’t idealize your darling or your life as a couple, see reality as it is (but not worse)

Don’t fight over trifles, go for a walk, take a deep breath.

Express your desires, your desires, your emotions.

Commit 100% to your relationship.

Do yourself good. Be accomplices and the best friends in the world.

Just love yourself.