Stop listening to others! It’s funny how others always know better than you: Gotta do that, gotta do it like that, that’s better… If I had listened to people, I would still be shy, single and friendless. Until the day I realized that the only person who knew was me. And I was right to listen to myself because now I’m not shy anymore, I’m married and I have friends.
When you’re shy and want to overcome your shyness, you’re often overwhelmed with information: the Internet, books, coaches, blogs, friends… And you never know what to do or how to do it.
Very often, all this advice is good but there are so many, so different, that you are lost and in the end, you do things wrong. Or worse, you do nothing. Kind of like when you’re learning to drive for the very first time, you have so much information to take in, to look at, to think about that the only thing you want to do at that moment is get out of that damn car.
But even if all this advice that you read and watch is good, it may not correspond to you and that’s completely normal. There are as many ways to overcome shyness as there are shy people. Even what I say, do not always take it at face value, be critical, test and adapt your actions accordingly.
In reality, all the tips I share have worked for me and they may not work for you, although of course I hope the opposite. And that’s normal.
And precisely, I would like to share with you 3 reasons why you should not listen to others when you want to overcome your shyness:
1 – Their past is not your past. Indeed, we all have our past experiences, our encounters, our education, our relationships that have shaped us throughout life, from childhood to now. So we all have ways of thinking, acting, reflecting, analyzing that are totally different from each other.
In the end, the advice that someone gives you may have totally changed their life, when you had no change in yours. And again, that’s normal. We’re all different. So your grandmother’s advice naturally won’t have the same impact on you as it did on her.
2 – They were never shy. I think, in my opinion, that the best person who can help you in such and such a situation, regardless of the field, is the person who has already experienced your situation. In life, you learn to drive with someone who already knows how to drive, but often it’s someone who doesn’t have a license who will tell you what to do absolutely. Weird… Don’t listen to people who have no experience with being shy. After that, I’m not saying that it is absolutely necessary to listen only to the timid old people, no, you don’t need to have given birth to be a competent midwife.
But listen and also trust people who are related to shyness (coaches, authors, etc.). Even if it’s true that, in my opinion, a former shy person will understand your feelings better. So if your big-mouthed Uncle Francis comes out to you all the time: “Come on, talk! Force yourself!”, let him speak.
3 – They impose their rhythm. Yes, getting out of your shyness is important. But often I have the impression that shyness bothers those who are not shy more than the shy person. What makes the others impose their rhythm, wanting at all costs that you are no longer shy now, right away.
By leaving sentences like: “How do you want to find love if you’re still so shy?” or “Are you tired of being shy?” But you know as much as I do that overcoming shyness takes time and it’s up to you to take your time, whether it’s fast or slow, it doesn’t matter but it’s only up to you how you want to manage your “fight”. Not the others.
In reality, behind all this, what I want to share with you is that you must constantly have a critical mind on all the advice you find everywhere, in books, on blogs or during a conversation with friends. . You have to test, try, question yourself… And if you test an advice several times and it doesn’t work, it’s quite simply that this advice was not suitable for you and not you, who didn’t was not suited to the board.
Remember, there are as many ways to overcome shyness as there are shy people. Test and you will see!