3 tips to destabilize a narcissistic pervert and get him away from you

The narcissistic pervert, whether male or female, usually seeks to create and maintain his hold on his prey. It will therefore limit external influence. And he will set about denigrating you in order to make you doubt yourself and thus be able to dictate your conduct. But there are behaviors that he dreads more than anything because they prevent him from achieving his goals. Let’s look at them together. These practices can drive PNs away from you quite quickly! It is therefore important to integrate them well.

1- Giving him responsibility for his accusation

It’s almost inevitable: at one point or another, the manipulator will reproach you for something you didn’t say at all! The PN is very good at this game. He accuses you of having called him incapable, imbecile, ugly, etc. when you simply tried to make him see your point of view. But your opinion, he doesn’t care. He wants to be right. And above all, he wants to make you feel that you are wrong. To do this, he will distort your words and act as if you had been mean to him! He will therefore reproach you for terms that have never come out of your mouth. Faced with such an approach, too many people tend to fall into the trap of justification and explanation: “that’s not what I said”, “we misunderstand each other”.

Instead, shift the responsibility back to him. Tell him that your words were different (we use an affirmative sentence) and above all add that his perception belongs to him. It is this last element that is the most important. In fact, you cannot change his perception, only he can. And he wants you to believe that he is disappointed in you. He wants you to feel compelled to justify yourself, to undo his misperception of you. It plays the chord of fear of judgement. And you react to it! Please let him believe what he wants… really… Stop trying to look good in his eyes. If he wants to be mad at you, leave him alone with his anger. If he has time to waste being angry, your time is more valuable than that!

2- Maintain your social network

The PN does not tolerate that people do not think like him, can contradict him, can undo the influence he seeks to create. So he doesn’t appreciate you having a life outside of him. Also, be sure to maintain and nurture your social network. See your friends. Keep in touch with positive and constructive people. Call on a shrink, a coach, a mentor to continue to progress and develop yourself. Keep confiding in someone who really helps you. In this way, the influence of the PN will not be able to increase and this independence will disturb him, make him see that you are not at his mercy!

Take the time to look at what kind of entourage you have. If you find that there are a lot of people out there criticizing, complaining, unhappy, then maybe you need to identify what companionship you are looking for. The idea here is not to bet on what you don’t want, but rather on what you really want. Feed this network. Feed him. He is precious.

3- Review your inner speech

The breach that the PN uses the most is amplifying the negativity that is already within you. Yes, you read correctly. The lingering ruminations, the negative self-talk, the disparaging comments you tend to say to yourself in your head, that’s the real food of the PN. That’s why at the beginning of the relationship, he made you talk so much. You had the feeling that he was listening to you. In fact, he was identifying the cracks in your shell.

This means that you need to review how you talk to yourself, what you say to yourself and what you don’t say to yourself. Learn not only to have moments of rest and rejuvenation, but also to gently welcome yourself when you make a mistake. Train yourself in gratitude and bliss instead of criticizing bad weather, politicians, and bad news. Feed your mind with interesting articles, inspiring trainings, uplifting discussions.

The PN has the strength you give it. If you learn to truly and sincerely love yourself, he will have a very hard time destroying you. And he hates above all to lose his grip. The more importance you give to your self-esteem, the more you protect yourself from the PN. Often, we do not know how to love ourselves and improve self-esteem. We read books, we go to therapy, we look outside of ourselves for what is in ourselves. This is also why we do not see the manipulation in the initial behavior of the PN. It meets a need. He makes us feel so extraordinary. You are already amazing. You just have to recognize it!