The end of a relationship is often difficult to deal with. Letting go of a person who played an important part in your life, and the awareness of having invested time, energy and emotions in something that proved to be a failure, generates a strong feeling of frustration.
Avoiding being trapped in the past can seem nearly impossible. The risk is that: thinking about our ex love becomes an obsession, and prevents us from moving forward.
However, there are strategies to prevent this from happening. Check it out in today’s post: 4 steps on how to quickly forget love, according to psychology.
What does it mean to love a person?
On a scientific level, we know that love is chemical, caused by hormonal and physical dynamics, while on a psychological level, culture and the historical period in which we were born, as well as personal history, influence the idea of an ideal partner or who we fall in love with.
The chemistry of attraction
In terms of the chemistry of attraction and love , there are several stages that start from the first engagement.
In fact, neuropsychology studies have shown that, at the beginning of a relationship, some neurotransmitters can create unique experiences.
In particular, in this phase, large doses of dopamine are released, a neurotransmitter responsible for the effect of pleasure and euphoria. This is followed by the hypothalamus, which commands our body to send pleasure and attraction signals.
As time passes and the relationship progresses, dopamine levels increase more and more, favoring desire and excitement, and the desire to spend more and more time with the other.
When the relationship deepens, we have the appearance of two other types of neurotransmitters: noradrenaline and phenylethylamine, responsible for butterflies in the stomach and other types of attitudes, such as insomnia, decreased appetite, etc.
Another hormone, called the love hormone, is also released in this phase: oxytocin . This hormone facilitates the maintenance and creation of affective bonds, being responsible for the feeling of well-being and willingness to take care of each other.
It is released when there is a stimulus that reminds us of the loved one (their voice or thought), but also during orgasm: this hormone produces emotional gratification and physical pleasure.
After a period, which varies from 18 to 30 months, what happens is that the brain becomes addicted to hormones such as phenylamphetamines, and no longer reacts as before – love has taken over your being.
Psychological steps to forget a great love
Now that you know how love is triggered, you must be wondering: how to forget a love?
Well, psychology will help you leave that person behind and come out on top of that experience. Check out some steps below on how to forget a love:
1. Convince yourself that you need to do this
First, you need to have a clear and conscious view of the situation you are experiencing. For this, it is relevant to analyze the reasons that led to the end of the relationship.
Whether it was your decision or not, whether you got to the point of breaking up, the reasons were certainly important.
Showing your mind that the relationship is definitely over is key. But if you still have lingering doubts about whether there’s still a chance to go back, make a list pointing out the reasons why you need to forget about him.
This way, your conscious mind will take control of the situation instead of your emotions.
2. Identify your triggers
Memories are cue-dependent, which means they require a trigger to surface.
Does anything in your current environment remind you of your experience with your ex? For know that this will trigger the recall process.
Therefore, eliminate from your environment objects that refer to the old pair (clothes, objects, photos, etc.).
Thus, you will be telling your subconscious that the relationship is definitely over. The more you suppress this association, the easier it is to forget a great love.
3. Stop daydreaming
How to forget a great love if you probably catch yourself thinking about him every minute?
If you really want to forget, it is necessary to push away thoughts about the pair immediately, as soon as they enter your mind.
If at first it is extremely difficult to control, know that: intrusive thoughts are like visitors, if you can’t expel them immediately, all you have to do is not feed them, gradually they will leave your mind and never come back.
4. Break the old routine
In the time they were together, many of the habits also took the form of our partner.
It is evident that, if we want to forget him, we must transform our old routine: stop going to the places where we would go together, avoid activities that he preferred, and temporarily distance himself from mutual friends.
Our brain, in terms of evolution, is prepared to act and react to the novelty that comes from the outside world. News stimulates our mind and brings the possibility of new neuronal connections, the so-called synapses.
So this is the time to try different things, meet new people and be more open to change than ever before.
How to forget a love quickly?
How to pass the page? This is the doubt of many people who are still in love with their ex’s. What is really within our control?
As we have seen, love is a combination of environmental, chemical, cultural and personal factors, and this whole combination of factors makes it somewhat unpredictable.
However, to truly forget a great love, the most important thing is to remain firm in the decision. And remember: time and patience are always great allies in this process.