40 quotes from Jacques Salome on the couple


A graduate in psychiatry, Jacques Salomé began his career in a center for young delinquents, to then invest in human relations. Author of sixty-four books, he is interested in human relations, the couple and the family. Largely inspired by his relationship with his wife and children.

He expresses his theories with pictorial metaphors and simple words to a wide audience under the name of the ESPERE method ( specific energy for an essential relational ecology ) which is based on the absence of judgment from others and active listening in our relationships.

Here are 40 quotes from Jacques Salomé on the couple:

  1. In a couple, perhaps the important thing is not to want to make the other happy, it’s to make each other happy and to offer this happiness to the other.
  2. Living as a couple over the long term means learning to create and live a personal intimacy – recognized by the other – and a common intimacy – respected by everyone.
  3. It is not love, however wonderful, that keeps two people who love each other together for a lifetime. It is the quality of the communication, the richness of the exchanges, and the vitality of the sharing that will nourish their relationship and keep it alive.
  4. Allow my smile to offer you my tenderness, allow my hand to bring you softness, allow my gaze to tell you your importance, and thus accept my gratitude for the gift of your presence.
  5. Any couple is a space of infinitely fruitful mutations. It’s a melting pot of earth-shattering changes, surprising developments from which none of the protagonists emerges without scars or revelations of the worst and the best of their possibilities.
  6. True intimacy is that which allows us to dream together with different dreams.
  7. Tenderness is a movement that leads us to follow a path lined with sensations and feelings where benevolence , acceptance, abandonment, but also confidence, stimulation, astonishment, discovery are mixed.
  8. It is the absence of words that causes the incurable wounds.
  9. When love and tenderness are shared in abandon and trust, they can expand to the laughter of the sun.
  10. In a separation , it is not the other that we leave despite appearances: it is the part of ourselves with which we no longer want to live.
  11. It is the quality of verbal and non-verbal communication that will nurture love, amplify dreams, and give desires their power and magnitude.
  12. Tenderness is my gaze amazed at what you give me, it’s your dazzled gaze at what I offer you. It is a word or a silence that becomes an offering.
  13. To grow old together is not to add years to life, but life to years.
  14. To communicate is to agree to share our differences.
  15. The most difficult thing in a couple’s life is to dare to live fully together. You, me and the relationship that connects us and magnifies us.
  16. We run towards something, we find something else… We run towards someone, we find ourselves!
  17. Tenderness is the most direct language to reach the soul and allow us to reach that part of ourselves which knows, beyond words and gestures, to reach us as close as possible to our possibilities, to the deepest of our expectations.
  18. On the morning of a romantic night, the color of the day is often called happiness. It is a very rare color, but it is possible to recognize in the glare of the eyes of one or the other.
  19. It takes time, a lot of time, to create harmonious intimacy.
  20. We all want someone to love us the way we want to be, not the way they believe.
  1. For words to have value, they must be accompanied by a look, an intonation, a feeling, an energy.
  2. Evil love destroys love like junk food can destroy our health.
  3. The characteristic of Love: in its immense generosity, its fundamental abundance, it gives itself, offers itself, deposits itself without counterpart in each living being.
  4. To fall in love is to rise to meet the best of yourself.
  5. Intimacy is being able to deposit dreams and projects in the possibilities of the other, with the hope of being able to realize some of them together.
  6. The love that seeks to demonstrate itself only demonstrates that it is no longer love.
  7. I hold you very tight in the hope of opening you up.
  8. Love is also about discovering yourself by listening to the singing of words that are yet to be invented.
  9. Tenderness is learning to conjugate the verb Toi, a very rare verb, to whisper with respect, the only verb in the language of love to be conjugated with the verb to love always in the present tense.
  10. When we love, we put down our defenses, we break down our barriers, we let in, at the heart of what we have most vulnerable in us, the unpredictability of the other.
  11. In love, what will remain eternal is the memory of exchanges and sharing. So I’m writing to you, to keep a living record of all our encounters.
  12. The most important is not what we give to others, but what we awaken and allow in them.
  13. Declaration of the rights of man and woman to love: to love you without invading you, to multiply you without losing you.
  14. Love is movement. When he stops, he dies without even knowing it.
  15. When we are willing to take the trouble to look at someone, to take him in his arms, to breathe gently, to listen to how his heart beats, how life circulates in him, then we hear a lot of silent things.
  16. It’s dangerous to love, when each time there is a risk of abandonment , of betrayal. It’s violent, a love that is built on expectations that are demands. It’s fragile a relationship that accepts to feed on decoys, that gets lost between injured needs and desires.
  17. Forces of love and forces of destruction cohabit in each of us. It is important and vital to help the forces of love, not only to find their place, but also to develop in every moment of our life.
  18. Don’t think for yourself that your partner has no sense of humor; give him more opportunities to smile and laugh!
  19. When there is the silence of words too often the violence of evil awakens. But it is not enough to break the silence, and to come out of silence, you still have to feel received, heard and amplified during your trial and error to put into words.
  20. Loving is also trying to reconcile two great inseparable loves. To be in love with one’s own freedom and to become in love with the freedom of the other.