Having trouble saying no to someone without feeling guilty ? Has your habit of saying yes to everyone ever led you to feel trapped doing things you don’t want to do? If you can almost never say no without feeling guilty afterwards, it’s probably because you have a hard time putting your needs before the needs of others.
If you say yes out of fear of disappointing, being judged, disliked and rejected, then it’s time to learn to take responsibility for saying no and establish your limits. It’s important to realize that you can’t do everything and you can’t please everyone.
You have to learn to live with your mistakes. And you have to be able to say no once in a while. It’s important in life, and it’s important for any career you want to pursue.
Here are 5 things to think about why you should learn to say “No” more often:
1- Saying no is not selfish
Some people can’t say no because they think it’s selfish to take more time for themselves. But understand that truly selfish people would feel no guilt for saying no.
2- It is impossible to please every person in your life.
It’s okay to want to please the people you love once in a while, but it’s impossible to please everyone all the time. Do you think you might disappoint? Sooner or later, you will have no choice but to disappoint if you want to be respected and to stop being abused. If someone thinks you’re saying yes to anything and everything, they’re likely making a habit of taking advantage of you .
3- Saying no means giving yourself time to enjoy life more
By saying no to things that take up a lot of your time and responsibility, you are saying yes to a number of things that enrich your life, such as good times with friends, family or as a couple. You say yes to maintaining your mental balance and having more time for yourself and your hobbies.
4- Saying no will not harm your relationships
Maybe you’re afraid that this person won’t talk to you anymore? If you’re not daring to say no because you’re afraid the person will walk away from you, then the relationship is unbalanced, probably toxic , and you should try to get out of it immediately. Be aware that walking away from someone is better than staying in an unhealthy situation, no matter what that person tells you.
People who love you and really care about you will always respect your boundaries and accept your refusal.
5- Saying no keeps profiteers and manipulators away
Manipulative people use different tactics to get you to say yes. Some use intimidation and insist that you do something you don’t want to do by being mean or aggressive. Some will take on a victim role and complain until you give in, sometimes without even being asked. Some people will try to make you feel guilty. There are those who will give you compliments to flatter your ego, then ask you for help in completing a task.
Don’t succumb to these kinds of manipulative techniques and don’t agree to do something if you feel pressured to do so. Sometimes it’s your loved ones and they will end up accepting your refusal, in other cases it will drive away the people who were in your life just to take advantage of you.
How do you say no and set your limits?
You need to be aware that people will try to get you to change your mind, but stick with it and they’ll respect you more. Here are 6 tips to help you say “no” and set your boundaries:
Speak in a firm, calm and steady voice. If your voice betrays emotion, hesitation, or anger, then the person will sense your weakness and try to exploit it. If you don’t raise your voice, the person will be more likely to accept your refusal.
Don’t neglect your body language. Stand up straight and look the person in the eye as you say no to show them that you are not impressionable.
Don’t apologize for saying no. Say a simple ‘I’m sorry’ out of politeness, but know that the more you keep saying you’re sorry, the less firm you’ll sound and the person will think there’s still time to convince you.
Just be honest about the reason for your refusal. No need to lie or make up excuses. Giving a brief explanation can let the person know why you’re not doing what they’re asking.
End the discussion. No matter how many reasons someone will try to convince you, if you’ve already said no and explained why, then it’s best to end this conversation.
Improve your self-esteem. If you don’t have self-confidence and self-respect, you open the door for your friends, colleagues, lover and even family members to take advantage of your kindness and also to disrespect you.