Emotional addiction or love addiction is a chain that still connects you to your ex even though the relationship is over. I would like to talk to you today about the loving and emotional dependence that has been created over the years with your spouse and which today is blocking you in your romantic mourning and in your reconstruction. We must already understand the origin and know how to overcome emotional dependence after a divorce.
The origins of emotional dependence
To find the origins of emotional dependence, you have to go back in time. Indeed, the addiction did not develop overnight and often echoes the emotional shortcomings and lack of recognition that occurred during childhood.
You were a child and you did not find yourself sufficiently loved by your parents or recognized as you would have liked, you were often compared to others, friends or siblings.
The more the wounds of your childhood will be important for you, the more you will need in adulthood to fill these wounds and to find with your spouse what you missed in your childhood.
Love addiction is natural and necessary, but…
Love dependence is set up at the beginning of a love relationship and it is a blessing in disguise since it is necessary to create all the bonds of attachment. This is a normal step. You certainly remember waiting for his calls, thinking only of her or him, of being physically lacking his presence, of needing him or her, this phase of dependence lasts longer. or shorter in the construction of the couple. But it doesn’t have to last forever.
The autonomy of the couple
The phase which follows the phase of emotional dependence is the phase of autonomy. Everyone, now reassured of the other’s love and attachment, will become emotionally autonomous and independent. The couple will thrive together but each will also be able to thrive without the other. This often results in independence in certain activities, for example, or in professional development encouraged by the other and not jealous.
If the two partners of the couple take “their independence” almost at the same time, all is well for their couple. If one of the partners remains in affective dependence and does not evolve towards autonomy, there will be a certain imbalance. The dependent will always seek more love and proof of attachment, the new independent will then seek even more autonomy and recognition elsewhere and often in extra-marital relationships.
One could compare the birth of a couple with the relationship of the mother and her child. They are at the start in a fusional love, one cannot do without the other and it is even about its survival, for the completely dependent baby. Over time, each will gain autonomy and then make each evolve separately. Each one bringing to the other the means to make him gain in independence, the mother in her role of parent will bring the values, the love and the child, by recognizing the role of his parent, will grow up stealing more and more its own wings.
The fusion couple
Everyone knows a fusional couple in their entourage, they are together 24 hours a day, in general, even work together and all that in the best of worlds. Most of these couples have never come out of the love addiction phase and yet they are happy, fulfilled and are couples for the majority that will last a lifetime. So why for them, emotional dependence is not a problem?
You already have the answer, I’m sure! There is no imbalance in this relationship, they are both in the same situation and in general each of them has a huge emotional lack, filled by the other.
The narcissistic pervert
A relationship of emotional dependence can also be fundamentally wanted by one of the two partners, manipulator, who generates this dependence. The narcissistic pervert lives only by the pleasure of this dependence, it is a vital need, he will therefore do everything to instrument his domination. He will cut off his spouse little by little from all social relations, will lower him to maintain the grip, will make sure to annihilate his power of decision.
The relationship of influence always begins with seduction. The narcissistic pervert seeks to establish a relationship of trust and security with his victim. The romantic passion of the beginning will prove over time to be more and more toxic until it turns into alienation and slavery.
By dint of hearing that we have no value, we end up believing it. There is therefore work to be done to free oneself from the grip made in the context of love addiction and regain one’s self-esteem.
5 solutions to overcome emotional dependence
You have no choice today, you must free yourself from the hold your ex still has on you. You have to overcome this love addiction to be happy again. You have to stop suffering and always live in the lack of the other. I have created a very complete audio program that will allow you to have all the tools to get out of love addiction once and for all . In this program, I give you all the tools you need to end it and free yourself from this grip. But also, I also treat the points to avoid you to reproduce this situation in your next relations.
1 – What you should never do again
To allow you to put the odds on your side here is first of all, what you should never do if you really want to succeed in getting out of love addiction:
Count on others
– Never count on others, you are the number one priority, you are the only person who can act and give the best of yourself to free yourself from this grip and this dependence.
– Never let fear invade you, you are not a bad person, you have qualities it’s just that today you are invaded by negative emotions. So you feel paralyzed, it’s a classic feeling of dependency, but now you’re going to gain your autonomy and your freedom and for that, put your fears aside.
– Do not procrastinate, do not procrastinate, your actions will determine your future, your new future without control, so you must act and quickly to bury all these years of addiction. Think back to the drug analogy, drug addicts in rehab are drug-free immediately. Of course, this phase is morally and physically difficult, but it is necessary for their rehabilitation.
Hanging out with toxic people
– Do not listen to negative people, you have to exclude people who can be toxic to you, those who tell you that you will never succeed or that such and such a thing is impossible for you to achieve or still too difficult. Friends aren’t those who put you down or those who don’t support you.
Want to be perfect
– Do not look for perfection, do not dramatize if some actions seem more difficult than others and know that the most important thing is that you are natural and that you have done your best to achieve your goal.
be a victim
– Stop complaining and position yourself as a victim, only you can make yourself happy, you are the only master on board of your destiny, you must stop blaming others because you will change your situation and especially your future!
Make excuses for your ex
– Do not find any excuse for your manipulative ex or narcissistic pervert, he has none. There is nothing to forgive him and if you do it will only reinforce his position as the dominant manipulator and he will know that he still has a hold on you.
2 – Leave the past behind
Emotional lacks or lack of recognition suffered in the past must be accepted. You must, for better well-being, tell yourself that history can only be remade around you, your parents have certainly done the best they could and this, also according to their own education and their own missing. Perfect parents and perfect children do not exist. Forgiveness and/or acceptance really allow you to move forward and change your vision.
Answer this question: What could I give myself now that I missed so much before?
By answering this question, you are building your most important bond, a bond of love with yourself. Only this link is essential for you, only this link will allow you to no longer expect from others. It is very important.
3 – Find the potential that is in you
Surely you have often heard it said and finally you end up thinking it, that you were not this or that enough, that you are not up to it, that you are not good enough and that you do not deserve not even the little love that was given to you or that is being given to you. We must no longer listen to his unhealthy and tormented little voices. You haven’t deserved what you’re going through and you’re worth much more than you think!
Do the following exercise, draw up a list of all your qualities, all that you know how to do, all that you have achieved in your life. Draw on your memories and chase away your negative thoughts at the same time!
You will find in yourself, and you will prove to yourself that you are someone of value and that you have plenty of qualities, successes to your credit and reveal them!
Focus on the positive, on what brings you joy and happiness. You have the potential for, you are a good person!
4 – Take control of your life
To gain autonomy and free yourself from love addiction, you must once again become the captain of your boat. You have to take control of your life. Now you decide. You are now the main actor or actress in your life.
Which means that all the decisions and choices you make will be based on thoughts about you, about your well-being, about your happiness. You have to be the number one priority. Think about yourself, not what your ex would think if you did this or that.
Even if in the past you have become accustomed to making decisions based on others, your environment, reflect on the constraints this has brought you and also on the effect on you.
Today, become selfish for once!
5 – Learn to be happy alone
When we are emotionally dependent, our happiness depends on our relationship and therefore on the other. With the breaking point of the relationship, you therefore no longer feel happy at all and you cannot conceive of being happy again since he or she is no longer there.
You will have to learn to be happy alone. Why ? Well, because it’s the only way to free yourself from this grip and because only you can make yourself happy. When you have to overcome a separation , a divorce or a breakup, you must always detox from your love addiction just as you would from an addiction to alcohol or drugs. You have to find other sources of joy and happiness, with sport, social relations, work.
To be happy first of all yourself, to be aware of your value, to be loved and to love again. This new happiness will only be a bonus!