Is this fear of abandonment ruining your life? Does it create unnecessary conflict in your relationships? Does it prevent you from having confidence during a new romantic idyll? Is your fear causing anxiety?
The fear of abandonment is common among people who have experienced the absence of love in childhood, during former romantic relationships or other traumatic circumstances that have left the mark of an emotional wound in them. abandonment. In addition, people prone to anxiety are more likely to fear being abandoned, and very often they have an overactive imagination which greatly fuels this fear and often leads to the self-sabotage of a new relationship .
“Fear is without cause. It is imagination, and it blocks you just as a wooden stake can block a door. Burn that stake!
Fortunately, it is possible to overcome this fear of abandonment by identifying the cause of your anxiety, taking care of your emotional health and eliminating negative behaviors.
1 You are responsible for your own emotions.
The first step is to come to terms with your emotions. The fear of abandonment hides other fears such as loneliness or never finding another person. Even if your anxiety seems triggered by the actions of the other, understand that how you react to those actions is entirely up to you. You need to find ways to deal with the anxiety of being alone. Your well-being is in no way dependent on another person.
2 Identify the root source of your fear of abandonment.
What is the reason why the idea of being abandoned frightens you so much? Is it the fear of reliving a painful memory in your childhood or of an old relationship? Maybe it’s a lack of self-confidence? Perhaps you have a negative judgment about yourself that leads you to believe that you will be abandoned?
Anxious people often expect the worst in a situation. Do some introspection, dissect your anxieties and find the source of your fear. By understanding the reasons behind this fear of being abandoned, you will have already come halfway.
3 Avoid projection of your old wounds.
Your abandonment wound certainly comes from an experience you had in your childhood or/and from an old relationship. The human being hurt by this bad tendency to unconsciously project that the same situation will happen again. We see a detail that reminds us of an old memory and we conclude that the result will be the same. Stop generalizing! Everyone behaves differently and remember that this assumption is not rational.
By learning to differentiate between past and present and recognizing that your anxieties do not stem from your current life, you can begin to develop healthier coping skills to deal with any emotional reactions you may have in your life. relationship.
People prone to anxiety have wild imaginations and are more likely to fear being abandoned. To overcome anxiety, you must learn to assess how realistic your thoughts are. Do you have reason to think that your lover will abandon you?
Learn to check the facts before jumping to conclusions and blaming the other person based simply on a hunch that is likely distorted by your fears or cognitive bias . Fact-checking is a useful strategy for controlling feelings. Take a moment to process your emotions and ask yourself if your thoughts are objective facts or if you are projecting an old emotional hurt.
4 Identify your negative behaviors.
Do you ask your partner to reassure you all the time? Do you blame him whenever insecurity arises? Do you have this tendency to want to control everything? Are you playing detective to find the little pet peeve that will only increase your focus on the possibility of being abandoned? Unfortunately, your negative behaviors can unintentionally scare your partner away.
You must understand that by having this fear, you increase the chances of causing a breakup , that’s when you go to make a speech like: ” I knew he would let me down “, ” men / women are all the same ” or “ no one will ever love me ”. But understand that the reason for this breakup may be because of your negative behaviors resulting from a lack of self-confidence.
Practicing mindfulness can help you avoid negative behaviors. Through mindfulness, you will be able to critically assess your motivations and deliberately avoid impulsive and negative behaviors.
5 Visualize yourself succeeding in your relationship.
It’s silly behavior of human nature and not just in our relationships. Rather than visualizing everything that could go right, we often have this annoying tendency to imagine everything that could go wrong. How could a relationship be built positively if we keep our focus on the negative?
6 Work on your emotional addiction
When we suffer from the fear of abandonment, we certainly have a problem of emotional dependence. It is also the secret ingredient of unhealthy and toxic relationships . We can blame others for our toxic relationships, but understand that you have your share of responsibility for the toxicity of your relationships.
7 Make friends.
If you are afraid of being abandoned, it may be because you tend to devote yourself entirely to a relationship, forgetting others. By developing a strong circle of friends, you’ll stop focusing on just one person and feel more confident.