Everyone would like to experience a lasting relationship, a romantic love filled with emotions that will last a lifetime like in the Walt Disney movies . However, according to statistics, there are fewer and fewer people who are willing to work to build this kind of love. Even the most successful couples admit that maintaining their love isn’t easy.
We live in an age of disposable, fleeting relationships, because the truth is, romantic relationships are hard to manage. Without effort, without involvement and without going part of the way to adapt to the other, the future of all relationships is doomed to certain failure. However, if you are willing to put in the effort, you can successfully build a lasting relationship. Good relationships don’t happen overnight, but they do take effort. If you ask anyone who is in such relationships, they will tell you that the effort is worth it.
“When two beings truly love each other, nothing and no one can separate them. Even if we put thousands of miles between them, in reality they are still together. Despite the walls, despite the mountains and the oceans, they are together, because what they experience is so high that it escapes the limitations of the physical plane. – Omraam
Here are 8 essential bases for building a lasting life as a couple:
1- Do not try to change your partner
To build a solid relationship, accept the fact that you can only change yourself and that you should not try to change your lover. Accept that there is a possibility that the other may never change. Otherwise, you risk frustrating yourself and driving your lover away from you. At best, you can support him to make positive changes in his life, but you should never try to change him.
2- Do not control your lover
Control is a kind of emotional abuse and it creates toxic relationships. This need for control comes from the ego and often it is a reaction caused by your fears, your insecurities and your personal dissatisfactions. Don’t try to control your lover.
Do not demand anything from your lover. Kindly ask him for a favor, even if it’s something you expected from him. The simple act of saying “Please” turns a request into a favor and builds a relationship based on respect and cooperation.
If you can’t manage compromise with nonviolent communication , end the relationship rather than control in order to make your relationship work. It will only cause ego clashes and inevitably lead to the failure of your relationship.
3- Take an interest in their tastes and opinions
You don’t have to agree with their views or have the same interests. You don’t have to take part in all of your partner’s hobbies and hobbies, but you should pay attention to them. You must ask questions and show him a minimum of interest and involvement. You will never stop learning from your partner, and the same goes for him/her.
4- Value negative emotions
Although not all emotions like frustration, resentment, and anger are desirable, they are normal. If your lover gets angry , don’t criticize them for being angry, because that won’t help. Negative emotions are not always destructive, they can be a need for your lover’s evolution and a way to express their emotions.
Criticizing emotions can cause your partner to feel guilty and/or defensive. Instead, try to encourage him to express himself in a more constructive way, without judging the feeling itself. To build a lasting relationship, the common goal should be to bond and work through issues together.
5- Make the effort to have physical contact.
Make a daily effort to create physical contact between you and your partner. At the beginning of a relationship, we naturally physically express our love and affection with hugs, caresses and kisses. But after a few years or decades, the signs of affection disappear, especially if you have children
6- Listen to him
Listen sincerely to your lover when he/she speaks. Don’t say yes, yes by nodding your head, but listen carefully to what the other person is saying. You have to listen to him, ask questions and rephrase to show him your interest. A lasting relationship requires ongoing communication efforts and nurturing.
“Communication with beings is the result of a long and difficult conquest that one makes both with one’s mind and with one’s heart.
– Jean Chateau
7- Thank your lover
Gratitude is a topic we often talk about on this site. The practice of gratitude is good for our individual happiness, but also essential to maintain your life as a couple. Show him your gratitude every day even if he is only doing his fair share. A person who feels appreciated and valued will tend to try harder.
8- Avoid emotional dependence
It’s not easy to control your emotions. There is a fine line between being in love and being emotionally dependent . Love is based on desire and personal and couple fulfillment, whereas emotional dependence is by definition a question of need. It is the source of many toxic relationships, jealousy and possessiveness. It stems from a lack of self-confidence.
In conclusion, understand that the secret to a lasting relationship goes much deeper than the love you have for each other. Love is rarely the problem in romantic breakups. A lasting love will require efforts as a couple and on oneself. You will need communication, tenderness and a common will to build this relationship.