“We do not have the age given by civil status but that granted by contemporaries.”
This quote does not come from a famous writer or a tender-hearted poet but from Philippe Bouvard! The journalist and presenter of the “big heads”. Not that I’m a fan of the latter far from it, but his sentence seemed so right that I almost felt obliged to include it in the article of the day.
Between the defenders of love, the indifferent or those who oppose a relationship between two people of different generations, the debates are often heated and each defends his positions with conviction.
Last Tuesday, I participated as an expert in sentimental advice in the excellent program of Vanessa Lambert on Radio France Bleu between 9 p.m. and 11 p.m., which was precisely devoted to this theme. On the air, listeners talked about their stories and shared their testimonies and most of them were quite overwhelming I must admit. Systematically one element stood out, it was the passion that existed in each of these couples despite the look that strangers can have on their romance or even sometimes members of their own family.
So I wanted to bounce back on this show in order to discuss with you in more detail the generation difference in love. To do this, it should be properly defined before even trying to provide advice or go further in the various explanations.
What is the age difference in the couple?
It is not easy to define the notion of age difference because it has a very subjective part. I’m sure if you ask around, for example at your job chatting with your coworkers, what gap is acceptable for living with a partner, you will get very different answers.
For some, 5 years is a maximum while for others the limit will be around 10 years. Each person has their own conception, it is difficult to determine exactly when age is acceptable or not. Women are more permissive because from what I have observed, she sets the limit between 8 and 12 years old. For men it is between 5 and 10 years.
A decade therefore constitutes a priori a limit between a so-called “normal” age gap. However, in my opinion there are other criteria that are much more important than the age to be taken into consideration. In my opinion, the real difference in a couple is not determined by the date of birth of one or the other, but by their philosophy of life.
It is perfectly possible to be over fifty but function like a person 20 years younger. Under these conditions, it is possible to be on the same wavelength as its half, simply other parameters will remind you that there is a specificity in your story.
For some people, age is a criterion for choosing the partner, as could be the color of the eyes, the color of the hair, the height or the measurements. But each person has their own unique tastes. For some blondes are more attractive, for others it is brunettes.
For some, tall and muscular men are a real fantasy while others swear by men who are no taller than a few inches than they are. In reality, tastes and colors cannot be discussed and age is therefore a criterion of choice like any other but which, it must be recognized, has an impact on the relationship.
The impact of the age gap on the relationship
It is often considered that a few years older than his / her partner can only be noticed through appearance. However, in couples, even if this necessarily plays a role, it is more the psychological disparities that are felt.
The physical impacts
The famous phrase that you will often hear or have heard before, if you are a man with a younger woman is: “but how will you play with your children?” “.
As if past forty or fifty years one became senile! You need to maintain your physical condition at any age and I’m sure you know men who are in their 40s but who are as dashing as teenagers.
Among what will stand out the most, it is therefore inevitably the color of the hair, the wrinkles but also the general appearance. To avoid receiving criticism or being mocked, it is therefore best to take care of your appearance. Not just for others, but also for you and even more for your love.
Physical differences can be more easily combated or even concealed. In couples of the same age, there are also periods of strong attraction and others during which it is much less important. The key is to maintain the passion and it must be recognized that for couples in which there is a significant age gap between man and woman, it is much more present than in “classic couples”.
The psychological effects are less visible but they can sometimes hold surprises. One might think that it is a brake but the majority of couples manage to make it a force! It is not easy to be from a different generation and to think similarly or to be interested in current things.
Very often there is therefore a division between the spouses and this is in my opinion what causes their strength. He takes the time to communicate and truly understand each other.
We don’t see life in the same way when we are twenty years old and we feel free, thirty years old with a child or fifty having finished with responsibilities. Both can therefore bring the positive sides and their way of conceiving life.
It goes without saying that this can also pose problems but it is thus for all the couples because each one has its way of functioning and its opinion. We cannot agree on everything! The important thing is to know how to make concessions in order to reach an agreement.
The view of others on the age difference between you and your partner
You cannot stop people from speaking, giving their opinion or even making derogatory remarks. But be sure, if it was not on your respective ages, it would be on other criteria. They therefore go easy but in reality it is often jealousy because they see that your relationship is solid and that you are swimming in full happiness with your other half who is 10, 15 or 20 years younger (or more! ).
Being the same age as your partner or that your partner is not a guarantee of joy or well-being! What really matters is the passion you put into each of your exchanges.
There are certain words that are acceptable and therefore you can have a discussion with these people in order to better share with them your ideas about the couple or the reason of your choice. But when you are in front of people making unacceptable comments, it is best not to argue and just turn on your heels.
No need to waste your time, because you will not be able to convince them. They will stick to their positions, and no matter how much you explain that you have never been so happy or happy as they are now, they will stand by their opinion. Leave them in their ignorance because you cannot make an unthirsty donkey drink!
As long as you are happy, that’s all that matters, even if I am well aware that the approval of your family can help you to go even further in your love despite the age difference in the couple .
In reality, it is often the only factor feared by spouses who are a few years apart more than the opinion of one or the other. Family acceptance is paramount to them as well as issues related to their future.
Age difference and fear of the future
This is the fear that comes up most regularly when I talk about this phenomenon which is more and more frequent, especially with the emancipation of women who appreciate men younger than themselves. If you have other issues or have different concerns, you can drop me a line in the comments and I’ll be happy to answer you.
Fear of the future strikes all couples that’s for sure, but we inevitably ask ourselves more questions when our partner is twenty years older and in particular about all the consequences of a death or a aging too early in relation to oneself.
But this argument is not admissible and if that bothers you, I would like to tell you that I understand your fears but that we do not know what will happen tomorrow. You necessarily have someone close to you or not who has died even before you retire. This proves that age is certainly a factor to be taken into consideration, but that health is not solely determined by it.
If I can allow myself to give you a piece of advice, it would be the following:
Make the most of your love, your partner and live every moment to the fullest