We have relationships for an evening, for a few hours, for a day or for a month, but nothing that does not commit us, that makes us feel beyond desire, nothing that does not mean loving someone, showing feelings, tenderness and affection. Are we afraid of love?
We invent all kinds of excuses to protect ourselves: “I don’t have time”, “I like my freedom”, “I want to be alone”, “I don’t want any commitment”, “I don’t want to separate from my friends”, when the real reason is that we are afraid of ourselves.
Find out what true love is
According to psychologist Walter Riso, we need to differentiate between good love (healthy, consistent, and constructive) and bad love (ill, inconsistent, destructive) .
Genuine love always contains three elements and if one is missing, suffering will appear sooner or later.
Philia is the couple’s friendship, which makes us transcend the Me, which seeks to share. Agape is selfless love, tenderness and delicacy.
Over time, during the couple’s relationship, one element may predominate over another, but all three must always be present. Know that several scientists from the University of Stony Brook in New York have discovered that love can last over time.
They performed brain scans on several couples who had been together for 20 years and others who had just started their relationship.
They compared the results and found that one in ten mature couples had the same chemical reaction as couples who were supposed to meet. This shows that it is possible to maintain the same level of love, despite the passage of years.
The causes of our fear of love
Feeling suspicious of what is new, of what involves self-exposure or potential suffering, paralyzes us and prevents us from discovering what true love is.
Obviously, some relationships work and some don’t, and there is always a risk.
I feel vulnerable
Starting a relationship brings us insecurity and vulnerability, because we expose ourselves to the other person and sometimes it is easier to bare our body rather than our soul. We feel a lack of control over what might happen in the future and that scares us.
We don’t know the other person, sometimes we are suspicious, but knowing someone or having a relationship is always a risk that the two people who discover each other run.
Saying how we feel or expressing our desires is important in creating a foundation for true love.
Remembering what was done to us in the past
We have all suffered from breakups, complicated situations in a relationship, and over time we have healed our hearts.
But, when the other person appears, we relive that pain in some way and remember what happened because we are afraid of it happening again.
This baggage that represents our past sometimes prevents us from being ourselves with the person we are discovering and we only show a part of our being, preventing him from knowing us and knowing how we are and what we feel.
Love involves pain
Many people identify love with pain and that’s why they don’t want to start a new relationship.
As soon as someone shows them interest, they run away… It is essential to eliminate from our mind limiting beliefs that prevent us from seeing reality and knowing love.
We are afraid of losing the other person and this prevents us from having a healthy relationship, because we try to possess, instead of love. This desire for possession can end up damaging the relationship, creating suspicions and driving the partner away.
My partner keeps me away from my friends and family
There are many people who are afraid to have a relationship because they think a partner will drive them away from their friends.
Reconciling a couple and friends should not turn into a complication , but on the contrary become two facets that complement each other without major conflict.
It’s the same with the family. Many people think that starting a relationship means breaking ties with their family and are afraid of it. This is why they shun all commitment.
If we overcome this belief, and accept all the important people in our lives, we will feel happy and fulfilled.
Source : nospensees.fr