Are you in a toxic relationship?

Am I in a toxic relationship?

If this question caught your attention, you should read this article to the end. Your intuition may be trying to get a message across to you.

This week, let’s take a look at toxic relationships.

What is the difference between a toxic relationship and a toxic person?

It seems to me that this is an essential distinction. Both to avoid putting bad labels and to allow you to see clearly and make the necessary decisions.

A toxic person, that is to say who will be toxic with everyone, is a person incapable of questioning himself, who throws his responsibilities on others, wants evil, devalues ​​you and insults you constantly, is inhabited by demons so large that she feels that others are responsible for them and that she has nothing to change. Destroying others is his specialty. Yes, narcissistic perverse manipulators are indeed toxic people who should be avoided. It’s not just them who can be called a toxic person, but they’re still, frankly, at the top of the table. Go take a look at my previous columns on the subject.

A toxic relationship is, by definition, a relationship in which one of the protagonists (or both) feels bad, feels discomfort, latent discomfort, a state of gloom, etc. Two people can be toxic l ‘one for the other without being, for all that, toxic. It may be that your respective wounds reflected in them are difficult to deal with. For example, within a couple, one can have an injury of the type: I was never a priority for anyone, the other of the type: I had to take care of too many people in my childhood . One will expect the other to make him a priority and the other will not be able to because his unresolved injury is preventing it.

The relationship will become toxic if the partners do not decide to do some work on themselves to heal the wounds that send them back to their past. It’s a kind of incompatibility of injuries.

So, in short, if you’re dealing with a toxic person, run away! If you are in a toxic relationship, there might be things you can do.

Impacts of toxic relationships on self-esteem

 I have already told you about it, we have this unfortunate tendency to reproduce the patterns that we know. They are “comfortable”, because we know the codes and we are comfortable there. If you grew up in a toxic relationship model, there’s a good chance you reproduce the psychological games in your relationships.

By dint of being in a toxic relationship (with or without a toxic person), we notice a drop in self-esteem, a tendency to negativity, a lack of energy, sleep problems, anxiety, …

If your relationship takes energy from you because you don’t feel good there, you won’t have enough to thrive in other areas. Or you will flee to the extreme, which is not a good solution either.

Don’t underestimate the impact of a relationship that doesn’t thrive on you, it affects the rest of your life.

When can we say that there is mistreatment in a relationship?

 As soon as there is physical, psychological and verbal violence. It is really important to take this seriously. A difficult childhood does not allow someone to abuse someone else! Hearing that revolts me deeply. From devaluations to beatings to insults, if you endure this kind of treatment in any relationship, you are being abused and there is no circumstance that can lessen the severity of these behaviors.

How to get out of toxic relationships?

 I imagine if you feel like you’re in a toxic relationship, you don’t really want it to last forever. I repeat, if you are dealing with a toxic person, do not expect that to change without that person doing real personal work.

If, on the other hand, you recognize yourself in incompatible injuries, then there are things to do! Healing wounds (with the help of an outside person) already seems like a good idea. Remember that you cannot be your partner’s therapist. It is not your role.

Taking care to heal your wounds will allow you to realize that many of the things that cause relationship strain are yours. When you get angry, annoyed or whatever, it sends you back to mechanisms, situations that are yours alone. Knowledge keeps you from projecting things onto the other that they shouldn’t be wearing.

Then, learning to love yourself, to respect yourself, to listen to your needs and your desires, not to let anyone mistreat you, to take care of you, to pamper yourself, will make you, in fact, not let anyone treat you differently. than the way you treat yourself. The relationships we have with others are often a reflection of our relationship to ourselves. Treat yourself well and I can assure you that whoever chooses to treat you disrespectfully will be quickly reframed. It all starts with you …