Breakup in love: How to stop sabotaging your brain’s work

Did you know that, during a breakup, your brain acts in such a way that you heal without any outside help in just 3 steps?<><>

I’m not pulling this out of a hat, it was anthropologist <><>Helen Fisher<><> who theorized it and made it public in her video titled  <><>Heartbreak Gears<><> .<><>

However, did you know that we deliberately sabotage our brain from the first step?<><>

Let’s dive together into the <><>mechanisms of our brain<><> when we undergo a romantic breakup to understand how to ensure that we no longer sabotage our work in order to be able to heal quickly and effectively.<><>

Step 1 – Your brain works thanks to the reward system<><>

From now on, imagine that your brain works thanks to the reward system and that this system has for a source of power a flame: the loving flame that you have for your ex. <><>

<><>After a breakup , this flame is always present and feeds your reward system at full speed: this flame will direct your thoughts and actions. <><>

However, this flame no longer works as you would like, because you no longer see your ex as much as before: you will then experience emotional pain followed by physical pain. <><>

These two sufferings are a signal from your brain to tell you to act and do something to re-fuel your reward system with what it appreciates. <><>

It is for this reason that it is prudent, at this stage, to understand your emotions before doing anything because it is at this stage that, during a <><>romantic relationship<><> , you will miss your partner. , but it is also at this stage that, if you have suffered a breakup, you will desperately seek to get back together with your ex. <><>

Step 2 – Your brain only wants your happiness<><>

Your brain wants only your happiness, and during this time and seeing that its request is not fulfilled, it will make sure to reduce your suffering thanks to two friends: the prefrontal cortex and the orbitofrontal cortex . <><>


This is when, if you don’t sabotage the work of your brain, you will say to yourself: <><>

“We were <><>not made to be a couple because… <><> ” <><>

“Anyway, he / she didn’t suit me because…”<><>

And it is exactly at this stage that people suffering from a <><>breakup<><> for several months or even several years are unable to move forward: quite simply because they sabotage the work of these two cortices by not accepting the breakup and by sustaining their suffering through their thoughts.<><>

The problem is that you are going to sabotage this work for a very specific reason, you are not doing this for fun or to increase your suffering and i you cannot let go and move forward despite the passage of time: it means that your ex filled a lot of things in your life.<><>

When you miss your ex despite the passage of time, your brain doesn’t see your ex as a person, but sees your ex based on what that person brought into your life: your ex is actually filling a need that your brain was succeeding in fulfilling. to get thanks to him / her, and then it will be very difficult for you <><>to move on<><> .<><>

For example, you might miss your ex for the simple reason that you now feel alone without him / her and that terrifies you. <><>

In this case, it’s not your ex the real source of your problem: it’s your fear linked to loneliness.<><>

Step 3 – Reduce the flame of love<><>

Once you understand why you can’t come away from your ex, you will naturally switch to the third step which will consist in <><>reducing the love flame<><>  : the rationalization of your breakup as seen previously but who goes, this- times, to appease your need to be with your ex. <><>

The circle is complete. <><>


You will, little by little, no longer let yourself be invaded by your thoughts and you will now give way to another romantic relationship, in good conditions and without being haunted by the ghost of your ex. <><>

Source : Heartbreak Gears