A loving relationship is always an opportunity to open a door to our beliefs, our limits, and our doubts.
Through the other, through what he or she will send us away from ourselves, we will grow in consciousness much more quickly than by trying to do it while remaining alone, and this, until to be able, if the relationship allows it, to connect our souls to each other beyond the veils of the ego.
To avoid getting lost in relationships that will always remain limited by our egos (and in order to anticipate, in particular, romantic relationships that could more or less quickly turn into a toxic relationship), we must face 4 fundamental questions.
These questions will allow us to know if a romantic relationship has a future or not:
1- Can I be myself with him / her without fear of being rejected?
This question is the BA-BA of any healthy relationship. If I feel like I have to take on a role in front of the person with whom I am in a relationship, I take the first step towards renouncing my authenticity. However, to cut yourself off from your authenticity is to choose to cut yourself off from yourself, and therefore from your own happiness.
2- Do I simply like “to be with this person”, or do I like more generally the person that he is as such (unconditional love)?
I can love the presence of the other. I can love our shared moments, our moments of intimacy, our s*xuality… but I can just as easily feel totally out of step with the values of the person I have in front of me. Of course, his values depend on his personal journey (his karma, what he or she has come to experience in life, his or her education, his experiences, his life choices…). From this point of view, they constitute a sort of veil over a perception of reality which is absolutely no more erroneous than mine, even if it is totally different. If I have the slightest intention, conscious or unconscious, to modify this perception, I do not love the person unconditionally but I love him because I find him teachable enough to conform him to MY own beliefs and certainties.
This love is not love, but possession. And obviously, we should not be surprised that the desire to possess the other sometimes leads to the construction of a totally toxic hold.
3- Are we s*xually compatible? (Is there something for everyone, and if need be, are we able to forge a bond in which any blockages can be removed?)
Nothing is more sincere than s*xuality. Through our s*xuality, we express our true nature. Sometimes animal, instinctive, subject to role plays inherited from education and society, but sometimes much more spiritual, in full awareness and in perfect harmony.
It is up to each couple to discover a compatibility in this union, or on the contrary, to open their eyes to their incompatibility.
If my s*xuality consists in reducing the other to the status of a s*xual object, or of a means of accessing personal pleasure, then this will also have to be the case for the person with whom I have decided to mate. engage in a couple relationship.
If my s*xuality is, on the contrary, a way to elevate myself spiritually, then it is obvious that this will also have to be the case for my / my partner.
In all cases, s*xuality remains deeply faithful to the heritage of the family clan. Serious blockages may remain at this level as long as we have not been able to find the keys to many family secrets that plague s*xual development from generation to generation.
At the other end of the problem, s*x can often become an addiction. If this is the case, everyone should be aware of the fact that behind an addiction always hides compensation. What am I looking for through this s*xuality that I cannot allow myself by other means?
4- If we could not be together, would our centers of interest be enough to ensure that we can flourish in simple relationships of friendship?
This question may seem curious. After all, a romantic relationship is not a friendship. But it is precisely by opening our eyes to what is important to us outside of the intimate relationship that we will be able to detect the possible signals of an incompatibility.
Because unconditional love does not mean that we have to accept everything from the other. It actually refers to our own needs, for which we remain 100% responsible. If I love unconditionally, it is because I do not depend on what will be brought to me by the other. I decide to share what we are, to enrich myself with this benefit, and to contribute in return without calculation or ulterior motive. Everything that will come from the other will be beneficial to me, even if it does not, at first glance, concern the person that I already am.
Here, we are talking about complementarity: this acceptance of those differences that make us both grow up in contact with each other.
If I am a bullfighting fanatic, and my partner is vegetarian and very animal-oriented, chances are good that as just friends our relationship will not be possible.
This question concerns the identification not of our “levels” of consciousness (notion of spiritual ego which one must be wary of), but of our “spindles” of consciousness. Our perception of reality remains the fruit of a journey. It is the experimentation of these different spindles of consciousness, mainly through the wheel of karma, that allows us to grow towards a more unconditional love.
But is this love just possible with the person I have in front of me?
These four essential questions will undoubtedly be enough to answer your questions at first.
But as soon as your awareness of yourself will evolve (as you go through your life and your ability to understand it), certain veils of your reality as a couple may fly away for an obviousness that is much more difficult to accept. : dead end.
For this reason, if you’ve explored yourself enough to get to know yourself better AND recognize the bad instinctive behaviors you need to work on, there is a fifth essential question to ask yourself:
5- Is our relationship based on a unilateral relationship of the “victim-savior” or “persecutor-victim” type, or on a form of associative regrouping of two solitudes of the “victim-victim” type?
Because if this is the case, sooner or later your relationship will have no future.
Love is not an energy that we have to draw from the other.
It is OUR responsibility to know how to give birth to love first of all in oneself (to love oneself – “love me”).
It is only through the love that we are, that we will be able to nourish our relationship healthily as we go along. This will be done through the needs that we will be able to express in perfect control of non-violent communication, needs that we will be able to hear and respect in others, as well as through actions and projects. (both common and personal) that will allow both of us to enrich and flourish in this relationship that continues to grow in importance as and when our shared experiences.
In conclusion, to the question “What future for my relationship as a couple”, let us ask ourselves the question of the role that we are able to attribute to the one or the one that we decide to let enter our life.
Who is he in my life? / What role will it play in mine?
Are we bill partners, parents to our children, careerists hungry for power and recognition?
Are we lovers, emotional addicts, scapegoats for our discomfort?
Are we dependent on each other?
Are we conscious beings destined to grow in contact with each other?
Are we true life companions for each other?
Two life companions help each other to achieve each other on their own.
They understood that it is through this necessity that they can develop the self-esteem necessary and sufficient for the good maintenance of their relationship.
The question that we must ask ourselves in front of the reliability of a future for our relation is that of the companion (of the companion) of life.
Can this person be my life companion?
Sometimes this answer can be positive for several years, even several decades, and then suddenly appear to you as obsolete because the road traveled together ends and starts in two different directions.
This is not a failure.
This is only the end of a long apprenticeship that was necessary in your life course.
A break is by no means a failure.
Failure is not knowing how to get the best out of it.
So, anyway, let’s gratefully welcome all the best in each of our relationships.
Life only has meaning in our experiments.