Many of us were brought up in families where the welfare of others came before our own. Where to be loved, you had to meet the expectations of others. These conditions fostered our emotional dependence in adulthood. Thus, we often expect others to recognize or attribute our “worth” to us, to fulfill our needs and to love us more than we love ourselves.
This creates immature affective relationships , where insecurity prevails, where expectations predominate, which most of the time leads to disappointment, reproaches and blame. If you seek to want to know everything about what the other does, thinks, says, sees and decides, you are in a relationship of emotional dependence. If, at the slightest delay in responding to one of your messages to the other, you are in worry, panic, disaster scenarios or anger and irritation mode, you are in emotional dependence. If, in addition, you are jealous, possessive, controlling, sulky or manipulative, then you are in an emotionally dependent relationship. And probably you are in pain. A lot.
No one is to blame if this is what you are going through. Especially not you. Because emotional dependence comes from low self-esteem, which leads to… emotional dependence . The other is more valuable to you than yourself. His opinion is more important than yours. And it is terribly painful.
But you can go from emotional dependence to emotional independence. From the moment you become for yourself the main source of your well-being, you can then begin to live according to what you are, your values, your needs above all, your tastes, your desires and your own expectations.
If you don’t know how to get there, just ask! Your soul is just waiting for your signal to make you experience all kinds of situations and circumstances that will strongly motivate you to finally become independent and to recognize yourself as the main source of your happiness.
Of course, learning isn’t always easy, but staying dependent isn’t easy either because it’s so painful! Of course, you will probably have to face abandonments, rejections, judgments from others, but you will understand that emotional dependence can be cured by living it to the limit, to finally become determined to get rid of it for good. And since your heart will be open to learning, you will know that you are learning a fundamental lesson for your happiness. Probably even the most important learning of your whole life: because only you know best how to meet your needs, know what is good for you and what is not, how to establish and respecting your limits, how to learn to love yourself better and finally, FINALLY, to feel free and detached from the gaze and approval of others.
This is the ultimate test. The one after which others seem simpler or less painful, because as soon as we become the source from which we drink, we become immensely stronger to face all the other challenges that lie ahead. Because we know then, beyond any doubt, that we have all the inner strengths it takes to live our life while knowing deeply, intimately, that we can always count on the most important person in our life: ourselves.