If you’ve been married to a narcissist for any length of time, there’s no doubt that getting a divorce will be difficult because they’ve made themselves the center of your universe. But if they’re narcissistic, divorce will be good for your emotional health and your life, so it’s crucial that you keep up the courage to do so.
Before going any further, I am writing about perverse narcissistic manipulators and male domestic violence to facilitate writing and because I am mainly addressing a female audience, but I am aware that there are many narcissistic manipulative women, so don’t see any prejudice on my part. Most of my tips can be useful for men in this situation as well.
Divorcing a narcissist is not an easy path, as it sometimes takes years to realize that the charming and often delightful person you fell in love with has woven a web of lies and manipulation.
Luckily, these 13 tips should help put you on the right path to a successful divorce from a narcissistic person:
1. Find a lawyer who specializes in right-of-way relationships
Because narcissism is not an average mental state, you’ll need someone who knows how to handle going against narcissists. While any divorce lawyer can help you finalize your separation, look for a lawyer who specializes in dealing with narcissists
2. The narcissist will want to beg, plead, and even attempt a negotiation.
They don’t like it when they don’t get what they want. And if they’re still married to you, that means they still want something from you. That’s why they won’t let you go easily. More often than not, they “promise you to change”. They will immediately try to do things to make you feel good.
Once it’s clear that you won’t change, they’ll start threatening you with things like “you’ll be lost without me” or “you’ll never find someone better.” Do not worry, it’s normal. Don’t listen and don’t be manipulated into going back to them. It’s not worth it. It is important that you have the courage to stay the course.
3. Don’t try to rationalize with a narcissist
When you approach a narcissist with rational thoughts, he doesn’t care. They are so involved in their view of what happened that they will completely destroy your view. Save these rational thoughts for people who care.
4. Break the bond of emotional dependence
In any type of toxic relationship, there is usually an emotional connection between the abuser and the victim through intense shared experiences. The reason it’s hard to break that bond is that it’s been addictive. You are abused, but then you are rewarded with love bombs when you do something good for the abuser.
Often the victim doesn’t really know what’s going on, as manipulative tactics and intermittent love put them in a cycle of self-blame and desperation to win back their partner’s affection.
To leave for good, you have to break this link.
5. Limit contact with the narcissist
As frustrating as they are, don’t engage with them. Anything can be twisted or changed in the age of technology, so the less contact you have with them the better. If you need to talk to them, go through your lawyer.
6. Avoid emotional reactions
Because when you’re emotional, you become the person they say you are to court. Then the judge and witnesses see you becoming emotional or frustrated, and the narcissist ends up looking rational. Remember that narcissists are extremely charming and manipulative. They will paint a picture for you that will make them look good and you look bad.
7. Save everything
Since voicemails, texts and emails can be changed, you should save everything. Keep copies of your email, voice, and text messages. Before you go to trial, be sure to send copies of your past conversations to your attorney so they can help you.
8. Make a plan
As you can see, this is not an easy process. Divorcing someone is difficult, and divorcing a narcissist poses additional problems. Before you jump into a lawsuit, make a plan.
9. Surround yourself with people you trust
A divorce is a tough and exhausting process, especially with a narcissistic person. You need a reliable team, and that goes beyond your legal team. Although a divorce lawyer is the most important person in court, you need support people. These may be family members, friends, counselors or others.
Build a team of reliable people you can rely on throughout the process. It may be the most important thing you do.
10. If you have kids, put them first
Sometimes narcissists are extremely violent towards spouse and children. If so, document everything to prove that you are the best person to have custody of your children.
11. Forgive yourself for marrying a narcissist
So many people suffer by divorcing a narcissist. It can be frustrating, and you may blame yourself for marrying them. If you’re feeling down, give yourself a break and forgive yourself for choosing that person.
12. Remember why you broke up
These negative emotions you are feeling may cause you to question your decision. You might start thinking about all the good times you had with your narcissistic partner. Don’t listen to these feelings. You should keep in mind that they are not representative of the relationship.
13. Take back control of your life
Narcissism is exhausting and takes up a large part of your life. There are probably a lot of thoughts and feelings that you will need to work through for a few months or more.
It’s time to focus on yourself and how you can improve
. It’s time to focus on yourself and find meaning in life. Reconnect with people who make you happy.
You see, this is a great opportunity to find new meaning in your life and build a new self without the limitations imposed by a narcissist trying to control you.