How to Find Your Confidence After a Breakup


Self-confidence and self-esteem are always impacted during a divorce or separation. And it’s quite normal, if he left me, it’s because I’m not good enough (but only for him!).

Because somewhere, we feel guilty.

If he’s gone, it’s our fault.

He cheated on me because I wasn’t sexy and pretty enough.

The difference between self-confidence and self-esteem

Self-confidence and self-esteem are closely linked and very often there is confusion. Self-confidence is about actions: I’m afraid of doing wrong, I’m afraid of getting started, I’m afraid of doing this and that he doesn’t like it . While self-esteem affects feelings: I feel too fat because he told me my pants didn’t fit. I don’t feel pretty enough for him.

To put it simply, you lack self-confidence if “  you are afraid of ..” and you lack self-esteem if you think “  I feel or I don’t feel…

Why do people lose self-confidence after a divorce?

Guilt is a feeling felt during a separation. One relates to oneself, the decision of the other. But why ? We tell ourselves that he has good reasons for leaving, reasons often repeated hundreds of times in daily life over the years…

  • “Look at you, you’ve gained too much weight! »
  • “How come you never have time to do such and such a thing, I have it and I take it!” »
  • “Why are you always tired? You think I don’t work too? »
  • “I don’t want to make love tonight”

The list is not exhaustive and sometimes the words are much less sharp but insidious, placed at the turn of a nice sentence or still not expressed but compliments will be made on another person, a friend, a colleague who will bring you back to your situation and what you are not or what you have not done.

When you leave you can just as well feel this feeling of guilt and have lost confidence in yourself. Should I really leave him? Am I making the right choice? Will I meet someone while I’m failing? How am I going to manage to rebuild myself when I don’t feel well?

The loss of self-confidence comes with the guilt of the decision whether it is suffered or not. In addition, the feeling of failure in the relationship causes a decrease in self-confidence but also in others.

confiance en soi

Actions to take to regain your self-confidence

After a breakup and digesting the shock of separation. You have to rethink your life .

Rethinking your life for yourself and more for “your couple”.

You shouldn’t think of yourself as a failure because the relationship is over, but rather in a time of transition.

The relationship wasn’t a failure, you just ended the relationship and it’s over. And if it stopped, the causes and reasons are shared. You are not alone in bearing the responsibility. This is valid whether you made the decision or suffered it.

Because I suspect that if you made such a decision, it’s not with a light heart! Your choice was carefully considered and it was the only way out for you.

So here are some tips to regain your self-confidence after a breakup!

Take back your image

If you no longer like your current image, modify it so that the image that the mirror returns corresponds to you. Sometimes, a visit to the hairdresser is enough! A small diet, the resumption of sports activities will be good for your body and also for your mind.

Believe in your potential

I very often give this exercise to my clients: write me your qualities. Don’t just think about them, write them down! This is important and difficult to do when you are feeling down morally. I also invite you to ask your children, your best friends: they are the first to know your qualities and show you off!

Get out of your loneliness

Loneliness is an inexorable feeling after a divorce, I dedicated a complete article to it . You need to resume a social life and get involved in activities, whether professional or personal. Get out of your house and go to people, it’s surprising how positive the reception will be and you will immediately feel well-being.

What do you want to do with your life?

By making an accurate analysis of the reasons for the end of your relationship, you will know what you have to change, what you want and what you no longer want. Get to work now and get help on your journey to your new future.

Create your first project after your divorce: the objective being to create a “new” life aligned with your values. This project can concern your personal life of course, but also your professional life. It may be time for you to act differently within your function, to evolve within your company, or even to change jobs.

Regaining self-confidence is achieving one thing, only one thing that will make you proud of yourself and make you want to move forward!