Ah family Christmas! Dad, mom and children, before it was simple and a very nice party. Only here, the divorce is there and therefore Christmas becomes complicated to organize for a divorced parent…
Here are some tips for having a good Christmas when you are a divorced parent.
1. Christmas planning for a divorced parent
There is the divorce decree which very often decides which parent can spend Christmas with the children and then there are those who get along relatively well to arrange for both parents to spend Christmas with their children.
Organizing Christmas is often synonymous with stress and anxiety when things are unclear or divorced parents are in conflict.
Obviously, the first year, the first Christmas after the divorce is extremely difficult to live. If you are lucky enough to have your children for Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, it will already be much easier. The fact remains that for children, the absence of the other parent will be felt.
And even you, if you haven’t managed to rebuild yourself yet , this first Christmas as a divorcee can reveal even more the lack of your ex or remind you of previous Christmases spent with your family.
Here are some tips on planning Christmas for a divorced parent.
It’s your first Christmas as a divorced parent.
You have recently divorced or you have separated in the year, it is necessary to make this first Christmas the opportunity to set up a new party!
Why not change the Christmas decorations, the food? Make a Christmas in your image, if you receive, be original so that this first Christmas serves somewhere as a new reference for you, your family and your children.
If you have your children for New Year’s Eve or for Christmas Day, the priority for you will be to adapt to this new situation and to listen to your children’s feelings.
Remember, if you are happy, your children will be. Children are sponges, you must, at least for this precise moment, put aside your worries, your problems and really create an atmosphere of joy and celebration.
A word of advice: don’t have a gift competition, to which parent will spoil their children the most. You don’t necessarily have the same income, the same means and that’s not what your children will remember. Just because they have a more expensive gift with you, doesn’t mean they’ll like you more.
And Christmas with his ex is possible?
Some divorced parents will prefer to “make an effort for the children” and spend Christmas together. This works very well if the divorced parents get along well and if things are clear for the children. By that I mean they shouldn’t think there’s a possibility of their parents getting back together. You must therefore explain to them that in the spirit of Christmas, you have agreed to spend Christmas together for the children, but only in this specific case.
Personally, I spent Christmas with my ex and the children for years, it was very good for the children and I admit that it simplified a lot of things in terms of organization.
However, the day when there is a patch and she does not accept that, which can be understood, the problems begin.
Once again, everything will depend on the “patch”.
I saw Christmases at some of my friends’ homes with blended families and frankly I was in awe! Everyone comes with their new spouse, the children have their two parents and everyone adapts because the goal is to have a good time.
An example that has always made me dream…
The day my ex had a girlfriend, no more Christmas together and there the organization became hell! Not only had to take into account his availability, mine, but also the availability and requirements of the new partner.
I who always had New Year’s Eve at my house and Christmas Day at his house, I sometimes saw myself having a New Year’s Eve 3 days before or 3 days after…
Really not easy.
2. The Divorced Parent’s Christmas
Let’s get back to reality, there are several possibilities which will also depend on the geographical distance with your ex:
As indicated at the very beginning of this article, you can choose to apply the judgment to the letter and in this case, one year you will have Christmas with the children and the next year you will spend the new year with them, which is even more so in the case of blended or geographically distant families.
I know, spending a new year or a christmas is not the same thing and there will always be an evening where you won’t have the children. Of course, the year you have the kids for New Year’s will mean that you will be a single parent for Christmas and not have your kids in your family. I also know that it is easier to be alone without the children on New Year’s Eve, as this evening is more often attributed to a festive evening with friends than to a family celebration. It is therefore easier to have a good evening and to feel the lack of your children less .
Good advice: Wherever your children are, they are happy, be happy too and enjoy the present moment without dwelling on what could have been…. Take advantage of those around you and think that maybe they will have a slightly more difficult evening dealing with rambunctious or party-excited children and that you will be relaxed and zen!
Christmas for a divorced parent with the children
This year is yours! But do not forget that it is your ex who this time is alone without his children.
If you are a divorced dad, like many dads, you will certainly be invited with your children for this Christmas meal. But it can also be an opportunity to be the organizer and the host for once!
You could put your kids in the loop and have them participate in making the meal and create some sort of new ritual there.
If you are a divorced mom, whether you are entertaining or being invited, don’t forget to pay attention to the happiness and joy of your children. Put aside your negative emotions. Think about the present moment.
My advice: Make your children call their parent left alone to wish him a Merry Christmas!
Christmas for a single parent (without children)
I know that it’s a difficult phase not to have your children for Christmas even if you will have them next year or for New Years.
I then often see very different strategies such as not celebrating Christmas or acceptance.
Don’t celebrate Christmas
Some will prefer to get away from the family aspect of this celebration and take the opportunity to take a trip, others will spend Christmas with friends. Many people do not necessarily have family or family ties that allow them to spend the holidays, there is on sites like OVS the possibility of participating in dinners or parties or workshops for those who have nothing planned.
There is also the case of some single parents who do not want to celebrate Christmas, or even accept an invitation from friends, they wish to make this day, an ordinary day and I would say, and why not?
Why force them to enter a system they do not want?
What really counts is to make this day, even if it is not under the sign of the party, a beautiful day. Why not take the opportunity to make a day or an evening that is entirely dedicated to making you happy.
Celebrate Christmas without the kids
This is the way of acceptance, I will celebrate Christmas even if I don’t have my children. It can be with the family or not, as long as you leave your worries aside to live this moment 100%.
Of course there may be the loss of his children, this is part of the grieving process, of this new life that opens up to you, whether it is wanted or not. To overcome your divorce or your separation, you must work to build this new life which will be partly without your children. If you feel this lack despite the festive spirit, call your children to wish them fun and enjoyment, without telling them about the lack you have. They are good and in good hands, rest assured.