Loneliness after a divorce is one of the most felt emotions. I often hear “I feel lonely, how to manage loneliness after a divorce? “. A lot of things change after a divorce and learning to be alone is one of them. It’s not a choice, it’s a consequence of the separation and you have to learn to deal with it. Today I’m going to give you tips for overcoming loneliness after a breakup.
I feel lonely !
When you have spent 10, 20, 30 years with your spouse, often with children, daily life has been very full. I remember mine, between my husband, my 3 children and my job, I dreamed of times when I would be alone. To take care of myself, just for myself, to take my mind off my loved ones and their well-being for a few hours. Except it’s good, when it’s chosen and it doesn’t last.
After my divorce, I remember very well the first week when I found myself completely alone. We were on joint custody, every other week. The first week when I had the children, I didn’t see it pass, 3 children occupy the evenings well and once in bed, I savored the calm returned and I watched a film, quiet to relax. Then, I brought the children back to their father for his week.
When I returned home, I felt oppressed. I shouted in my big apartment “I feel alone! and there was an echo. There was no longer a sound, a heavy silence, an instant void was created. And that’s when I realized that EVERYTHING now was going to be different. That this week, I will be really alone. Really. More children, more spouse. That’s a lot to deal with all at once.
This emptiness, the absence of children as of the spouse, then positions us in the face of a cruel reality, loneliness. Now we sleep alone, now we eat alone, now we live alone.
Loneliness after a separation
Loneliness will be experienced differently whether you are left or have been left.
The loneliness when we’ve been left
When you have been left, you have to face an impressive number of emotions, the trauma of divorce , the feeling of having been abandoned, of having been betrayed sometimes, of perhaps never having been loved as we should have or as you would have thought and we undergo this unilateral decision which forces us to leave our dreams of life together, our couple and family projects. Loneliness is imposed on us. That of no longer living alone, that of no longer being a couple, that of no longer sleeping together, that of no longer thinking, acting together.
The worst is when the other, his ex is already in a relationship and for his part, loneliness does not exist but for you it is torture to know that the other lives together, shares everything together. Then you must NOT THINK about it. Learning to focus on YOU and only on you is your main objective today. I feel alone is a feeling not a reality. Overcoming your emotional dependence will also be part of the work to be done to regain autonomy and self-esteem.
Anyway, you don’t even know if their so-called happiness is real and tell yourself that you know him, that you are the person who knows his faults, his weak points. That he passed from one couple to another without having done any work on him, that your marriage was a failure but that he learned nothing from it. There is a good chance that he will then reproduce the same mistakes made with you. But YOU don’t. The work that you are going to do or that you are already doing will allow you not only to manage your loneliness but also to come out of it bigger and stronger.
When you leave, loneliness also exists!
If you left your partner and did not get back together, the loneliness will also weigh on you. You will also feel this emptiness, this absence, the lack of the other , the lack of your old life because as they say, we know what we lose, but we don’t know what we will find.
Even if you know deep down that you made the right choice, you still risk suffering from loneliness. It’s up to you to get back into the singles market. You will certainly take advantage of these moments to go out, take care of yourself, resume passions or neglected activities. And it’s really, really the best thing to do.
How to deal with loneliness after a divorce?
Here are 3 tips to escape loneliness.
Tip#1: Get out of your house!
When you don’t have your kids, plan your weekends and weeks so they’re full and you don’t feel that lonely feeling. Go out with your friends, resume leisure or sporting activities that you have neglected and meet new people! Nothing like getting back to life. Your life has changed by force of circumstance, make sure you now become the only master on board, take back the reins of your life and change your life ! Don’t stay locked up at home, you’ll mope. Get some air! Also learn to go out alone even if you’ve never done it. The cinema is a place where you can go alone without being judged.
Tip #2: Regain your self-confidence!
Self-esteem and confidence are put to the test after a separation or divorce. Yet you are still the same person. One should not confuse the failure of a relationship with one’s own identity. There is no confusion to be made. For that, you have to reconnect with yourself. Find your values, become aware of your potential and your qualities. You are a good person, who can be loved and loved again. Start by loving yourself. Love your image and if you don’t like it, modify it, sometimes a few pounds less, a bit of sport allow you to reclaim your body and your image. Treat yourself by taking care of yourself. Anything that will make you feel good will make you shine. When you shine, you can feel it and you attract interest, curiosity, envy.
Tip #3: Choose your entourage!
Run away from toxic people and relationships! You have certainly lost some of your “friends” with the divorce. Don’t feel guilty. These “friends” were obviously not. Surround yourself with healthy people who want you well, who support you and who will help you evolve in your new life. Flee from girlfriends who, undercover, listening, only try to make you relive your past, they constantly ask you about your ex, about your relationship, it’s not positive. It is not beneficial. These are toxic relationships.
Loneliness after a divorce is a natural stage, to pass. It is not inevitable and like a sphinx, you will be reborn and learn to live, perhaps alone for a given time, but this time will be necessary to rebuild yourself and move forward. Take this phase of solitude as a phase of reflection, a phase of reconnecting with yourself and enjoy this period, it will not last!