Romantic relationships and all kinds of relationships involve sharing and uniqueness in everyday life. It means we start to share our history and our daily life with each other. We feel united and we want to experience more and more similar moments in the future. It is the vision of a couple relationship that we tend to consider “normal”. As standards are a totally subjective notion and influenced by the vision of society at large, we are not obliged to adhere to them. Our romantic relationships are a very personal part of our life and only we can find what truly fulfills us.
The common denominator of a successful relationship
While we can have a lot of difference in the way we experience our relationships, there is one common factor to a successful relationship: SELF-CONFIDENCE.
Without this element, you will never feel at peace in your relationship no matter how it is going at the moment. Self-esteem will give you that essential pillar and that stability in your relationship.
Without it, you will be like an addict who cannot live without his daily dose of drugs. You will always be looking for the slightest sign of validation and proof of his loyalty and love for you. Even if your relationship looks great from the outside, you never feel confident inside. A typical and current dependency relationship! Classic advice but so true: love yourself first, before you want to love others!
How can you develop more love for yourself? First, learn the basics of self-confidence . I wrote an article about the basics of self-confidence. Sometimes all it takes is a first step to trigger a virtuous circle that will allow you to feel better. There are so many tools to improve your self-esteem. You can practice meditation to get to know yourself better and develop a better understanding of yourself and your emotions. You can step out of your comfort zone by facing your fears little by little. You can aim for and chain successes in a project that you are passionate about. In summary, any action that improves your beliefs about you and your life will benefit your self-esteem and improve your self-confidence.
Live a relationship in accordance with his personality
After having seen the common criterion for any successful relationship, we will see another essential aspect for living fulfilling relationships.
In my opinion, a relationship should be in your image and in connection with your personality. Learning to listen to your instincts and creating the best dispositions to integrate it into your romantic relationship is preferable.
If you are only trying to get validation from your partner and fully adapt to it, you will just mirror your partner. You will create a mask and you will move away from your core values. The goal is not to do everything you can to get your partner to accept you, but to find the right person who will love you! It’s not exactly the same, eh!
After you have developed your self-confidence and your personality, you begin to know yourself better and accept yourself. Therefore, it becomes easier for you to determine what you are looking for in your love life. Therefore, it is up to you to filter your partners during your meetings to keep those who correspond to you best.
In this situation, you are off to a good start, because you are starting on a more solid basis! Instead of wanting to please a partner who is incompatible with you, you let nature do its job by making your relationship easier! You are off to a good start and it will influence your whole relationship in the future. So start from the good good and make a list of what you are looking for in your future partner.
Put in the few criteria that are essential for you. Do not put too much, because you risk being too restricted and looking for a perfect partner! Perfection does not exist, it is not necessary to anticipate your partner in detail! It would make your process of seduction artificial and mechanical.
Opt instead for, for example, three essential criteria and let the surprise and the rest do its part! In this way, you will have enough criteria to filter the partners not compatible with you and not too many to have none at the end!
Despite the recommendations I give you, only your gut will be able to make the final choice and decide what you really want. It is this part of things not decided in advance that will allow you to listen to your intuition to choose your partner.
Is an independent relationship possible?
This is the big question we could ask ourselves! First of all, ask yourself what does independence mean to you? Is it just a matter of physical freedom or just a principle that you want to follow in life? You might just want to feel like you choose what to do for a living without your partner dictating what he or she wants for you. You could also be more concrete and demand that your partner does not fit into a sphere of your life because you want to keep your garden a secret. Both options can be good and beneficial if you feel they are necessary for your relationship.
For me, the important thing is to find what makes us happy. Happiness is a subjective notion and everyone has their own conception of happiness and of the couple. However, despite this, I feel that there is a form of independence that is necessary for everyone to have fulfilling relationships! It is emotional independence. This ability to love the other for who he is and not just for what we want him to be. Do not impose these desires and his need for control on the partner.
All of these actions are not always easy to hold in our intimate relationships . Our need to be reassured and validated can take over and make us somehow selfish in the way we communicate. “You never do what I ask you to do!” “” You never listen to me when I speak! “You will do what I tell you at the end”. We often hear these words during a couple’s arguments. Becoming aware of our bad habits and making the decision to change them is a good first step towards a new life.
Whether it is for your relationships or any other area in your life, this principle remains the same. When you realize that something is wrong with your life and are determined to change it, you have the impetus to change successfully.
Yes, it is possible to live an independent relationship without being cold and distant with your partner. We must not confuse detachment and estrangement, because they are not at all the same thing. You can feel good about your relationship and love your partner, while being emotionally detached from the fear of losing the other.
The fear of losing the other or the fear of breaking up will not bring you anything positive, because they are only anticipations coming from the imagination. On the other hand, detachment allows you to feel more relaxed in your relationship, because deep down, even if you would not like it, you know that you would recover from this possible breakup. You will come out of it somehow grown and that is why you feel detached.
To conclude, independence in your relationships is above all having the right mindset. Feeling that you are not just dependent on your partner, but that you do have control over how you bounce back from a breakup. It can be said in a way that it is a state of mind of abundance that allows you to feel calm and yourself in front of your partner. Having good self-esteem is a good basis that obviously helps to feel detached during a relationship, because we value ourselves and our happiness does not depend on our partner.
For me, we have a better time to see our relationships and our life as a world full of abundance! This is how we can feel very detached in our relationships while loving our partner in a sincere way. Stand by your principles, stay true to yourself and see the world as a great endless resource of partners and love!