It’s not the other, it’s me!


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We all experience challenges in some of our relationships. Sometimes the other seems to irritate us, manipulate us, hurt us, humiliate us…

And most of us then enter a phase, often unconscious, of confiding, sometimes even complaining, saying to our friends: “You don’t know what he/she did to me again? and we go there with our jeremiads, with the list of failings of this other who hurts us, as if we were helplessly watching this spectacle in which we nevertheless have the leading role in the play of our lives.

As long as we complain, fight, resist, we position ourselves, again often unconsciously and involuntarily, in the status of victim who, rather than acting, remains in the status quo and complains about what that happens to him.

We all know people like that. And we have all been part of it at one time or another. Maybe we’re still dealing with this bad roleplaying and not seeing it yet.

Yet it’s never about the other, it’s always about yourself.

What the other awakens in us, what irritates us, what hurts us is always a reflection of what we carry within us, of that which we dare not express or which we refuse to accept in our personality. , the way we hurt each other every day, the very violence we put ourselves through to stay in a relationship that can sometimes remind us of this violence.

As long as we don’t see what we are wearing, the other has the role of showing it to us, until we wake up, say enough is enough and take the right action to change the situation. . Whether we like it or not, whether we agree with this or not, the other is always in our life to awaken us to ourselves. In more difficult or more dangerous contexts, it is therefore important to quickly find what we need to understand about this situation in order to extricate ourselves from it as quickly as possible. Because if the other awakens us to ourselves, it is not said that we should tolerate the intolerable.

By repeating to ourselves “it’s not about the other, it’s about me”, perhaps we will more quickly come to see what needs to be seen, welcomed and loved in us. in order to get rid of what makes us suffer or what blocks our evolution.

As long as we refuse to see what the other’s role is to show us, and again his own role is unconscious, we will repeat the same experience until we understand.

As long as we blame the other, we will not be able to see what we have to change in ourselves and we will remain powerless in the face of what irritates or destroys us. Only by taking full responsibility to see what we need to love best in ourselves can we free ourselves from what no longer has meaning for us. There is no guilt here, only taking charge to create the opening to finally see what Life is trying to teach us through the other.

All that we experience as challenges in our relationships, it is never about the other. It’s always about us.