Would you like to learn how to say “No”? Would you like to be able to express your point of view so as not to withdraw? How to be yourself on a daily basis and gain self-confidence to assert yourself or overcome problems in your relationship ?.
After a new study carried out during the month of May 2015 with the people I support but also visitors to the site, I realized that many of you had trouble asserting yourself in a relationship out of fear. from losing the loved one or from lack of personal confidence.
This article aims to help you find solutions to your problem, in particular by giving you specific advice and avenues for reflection to see the couple as a relationship of exchange and sharing. You have the right to express your desires and your needs, but you still have to be careful about choosing the right words when communicating with your spouse or partner.
Knowing how to say “No” can be scary because you have the impression of rejecting the other and you especially do not want to offend the person you love so much. And yet you are carrying out what are called false interpretations. It is about putting yourself in the other’s shoes with a negative outlook when your partner could perfectly well receive your “no” as well as your arguments.
If you don’t test the positive projection to try to change your behavior then you won’t be able to improve your relationship. I detail here the complete process to learn how to say no, but feel free to ask me all your questions in the comments, I will be happy to answer you.
The importance of respecting your values!
You will notice that when you make a decision in life and it respects your values as well as your beliefs then you will have no trouble feeling good about yourself. On the other hand, when you go against your nature, you quickly realize that you are letting negative emotions take over. In short, you feel bad! It’s a logical reaction and you can perfectly fight last.
If your decision to say “No” respects your values then you have nothing to worry about because it will be in the continuity of your personality and you will not be able to receive any criticism from other people. This is simply because you are going to be able to explain your “No” and present concrete and solid arguments, at least from your point of view.
Let us now take an example that I experienced in coaching in order to illustrate my remarks.
A man in his forties contacted me because a violent crisis had broken out in his relationship. His partner had asked him to do him a favor during the day, but unfortunately he had a very important meeting. He refused, trying to explain to her that professional responsibilities were an integral part of his daily life and that he could not deviate from them.
The problem is that after this day, his wife complained about his behavior and he was not able to explain either his values or the reasons for his choice.
Why ? Because like all people who have trouble asserting themselves, he had developed a feeling of guilt. Together, we have worked on the management of his emotions and his communication so that he can in the future show more authority when his decisions and actions respect his system of values!
You have to gain personal confidence!
If you are reading this article, it is because you are surely in demand from all sides or that you are afraid to express yourself in your relationship, which represents problems that inevitably prevent you from flourishing. You have everything to gain today by learning to say “No” because it is your general life that will change to allow you to access the true happiness that you deserve, that of building your life as you wish.
Your goal now is to gain personal confidence to assert your positions and no longer let yourself be absorbed by the wishes of others. For that, all you have to do is tell yourself that you have to expand your comfort zone and fight your nature. You have to fight against this tendency to dramatize everything and have the courage to make the choice never to let another person decide for you again.
Your confidence will grow with each “risk-taking”. It is important to always seek to make decisions for yourself and not to let a situation destroy you morally just because you have not been able to live up to your opinions.
For example, politics in the couple is a conflicting subject and you sometimes have to know how to keep a low profile, that’s for sure, but at other times you have to be able to explain your choices in order to feel free. The objective is not to enter into conflict for trifles, but simply to show the other that one exists and to make him understand “I lead my life as I see fit”
What is the process for learning to say no?
Before being able to say “No” to someone you love, whether a loved one or your partner, it is necessary to have a positive outlook on your daily life. This is why I recommend that you first set yourself time slots in your week to carry out activities that really make you happy, and that regardless of any solicitation from the people around you.
By giving yourself pleasure, it will be easier for you to regain confidence and assert yourself in your daily life. In reality, it only takes once, a single “No” to realize that you can assume it perfectly and that your friends, your parents, your children, your partner will not hold you against this situation at all.
If you notice correctly, people always ask you because they know they have a 99% chance of getting a “Yes” to whatever they ask. You just have to stop this spiral and you will notice that others do not change their point of view on you, they still see you as a beautiful person!
Enough to remove all your fears and assume your desires to take control of your daily life. Do not let the lack of confidence or personal esteem invade you anymore and adopt a single philosophy, that of building the life of your dreams!
And you, how do you go about saying “No” to a loved one? Leave me a little comment with your tips and questions!