Love : Between fear and desire, where are you?


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Love happens unexpectedly sometimes. And when it is there we want it to reveal itself in all its dimension. The bond is established between the two partners and the relationship begins. A bond which is made of expectation and which presents itself in several facets.

When his partner is not there, we feel this disturbing lack which puts us in internal states which sometimes freeze our whole body and paralyze our progress.

You have certainly experienced it, I offer you some ways to understand and make this expectation a positive state.

What is pending love? Why does this in-between swing between a desirable state and a worrying state?

Where are we each in this expectation? Do we understand it? Do we accept it? Do we transcend it?

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I love you and I want you to understand me.

When we love someone we expect a lot from him. The first thing is this immediate expectation that we have to know that we strongly want our partner to enter into our story and understand who we are.

From this expectation, there is all this openness to being that we face.

In the relationship, what is called the mirror of expectation is then set up. I look at you, I go into your story. You observe me and you enter into me. From this apparent resemblance plays the essential notion that we all need: RECOGNITION . We all have this desire within us which is human and essential to move forward on one’s path.

We need recognition from those we love. This contributes to our development and our journey.

This desire is very powerful and inevitable because it will nourish our deep spaces. This even goes so far as to generate in us a maturity about existence. We need the gaze of the other in this expectation to illuminate dark and bright parts within us.

This expectation of recognition, you have understood, is healing for oneself and for the other .

However, if waiting in love can respond to this deep desire, it can also swing our being into a state of anxiety that will call the relationship into question.

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i love you but i miss you

Waiting love is also this elusive lack. Having this feeling of always running behind each other and not knowing how to reach each other. This lack can arise in different ways, either when the two partners are physically far from each other, or when the two hearts cannot come together by being next to each other.

The feeling of lack brings back to the essential need of the man and the woman . To feel a lack is of the order of the vital. If this need is not met, we end up finding survival strategies and sometimes we can’t do it anymore and it’s nothingness and we die. I love you but I miss you. This inevitable paradigm sets in and makes us fearful beings who feed their love in fear.

We then experience this expectation as a deficiency. Love weakens and we end up losing each other. Why does this fear occur in a love relationship?

Because behind this expectation in love hides the fear of losing the other.

To lose the other is to have this feeling of entering an inextricable solitude.

It is to bring us back to this affective dependence.

This fear is partly explained by the wound of abandonment that we all experienced when we came out of our mother’s womb.

And all our lives we will seek to rediscover this bond that nourished us and made us feel secure.

In lack there is therefore this subtle mixture of desire and need. The desire to go to you my love and the inner need to secure my deep emotions.

You will therefore have understood it, when we experience this expectation in love, we ask our partner in a way to fill the unspeakable, the impalpable of our existence.

How then to ward off this expectation in love? To be in desire, in fear are inevitable states. How can we overcome this expectation?

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Waiting an intoxication of life

Awaiting love, a set of ellipsis and each dot can look like a momentary hope. This hope, like a living vibration, an apparent intoxication, a bonfire, initiates a mad race between the two partners to join. We engage in the movement of this relationship. We advance in this crazy escapade to reach union and end up advancing together side by side.

Awaiting love in its drunken state is a real vibration that unites the two emotional worlds of the partners. It is the wealth of man and woman. It is absolute intoxication because it engages us fully in the relationship. We feel somehow pushed in this quest for the other. We want to welcome this love.

Waiting is an inevitable but also unknown, unpredictable guest. In this plurality of identity, it makes love alive and exhilarating. It’s exhilarating to wait for your love when the two partners don’t see each other on a daily basis. This intoxication develops dreams, the spheres of intimacy which are awake and waiting to be able to experience these moments of reunion.

This dizziness opens the door to our senses from a distance. We want to be with the other but we are not there yet. We see each other, we hear each other from a distance and the senses are wonderfully stimulated to experience the desire for two. And when the day arrives of the meeting, when the day arrives when waiting in love will be a hyphen, then I will push my love delicately this veil so that you finally discover me.