From a young age, we have been surrounded by messages and beliefs about love. From the example of our parents, to what we see on TV, through mythical stories like Romeo and Juliet and the songs that play on the radio repeatedly, fairy tales with princes and princesses or even proverbs and other maxims, not to mention the weight of religions and traditions, family requirements and societal norms …
We build ourselves an image of love, of the couple, of what we should do, what we should experience, what is normal and what is not.
We often end up believing that happiness is getting married and having children, that the minivan, the white gate and the dog are the ultimate accomplishment.
And we don’t understand why, once we have all of that, we’re still not happy.
So we remember all those films with tortured couples, and we say to ourselves that this is normal. That suffering is part of the lot. We end up convincing ourselves that there is no love without suffering and that this is the price to pay.
As our neighbors are going through the same thing, we don’t ask ourselves too many questions and we accept fate.
What if we stop buying the beliefs of tortured philosophers, money-hungry screenwriters and ancestors who don’t know more than we do? All of these beliefs are just what they are: beliefs. And erroneous and limiting beliefs.
Love is not suffering
Any suffering signals us a problem, a pain from our childhood not evacuated, a dysfunction in our romantic relationship. And regardless of the partner, as long as it is not resolved, we will relive the same type of problem.
If there is suffering it is because there is a toxic relationship . And in some cases, toxic partner.
A relationship can only be healthy, fulfilling and truly filled with love if you have healed your relationship with yourself, are happy, fulfilled and love yourself. This is what allows us to heal our relationship with others or to attract someone who is truly a match for us and who is themselves happy and fulfilled.
Maya Angelou said: “I am wary of people who don’t love each other and who tell me ‘I love you’. There is an African proverb which says: “Be careful when a naked person offers you a t-shirt” “.
It all starts with self-love.
Learn to love yourself and change the love scenario
The drama, the strong emotions, the clichés that sells. We all like to be surprised, to go from laughter to tears, that a story turns us upside down is like a drug and we want more.
We are addicted to emotions , the media have understood this well and they use it excessively, with catastrophic news, fantastic films with mind-boggling special effects, action films at a frantic pace, and love films. completely candy pink or on the contrary dramatic as possible. Staggering songs, shocking images, everything to take us from one strong emotion to another strong emotion in a minimum of time.
We get used to it all and it’s so part of our daily life that we end up believing it’s a reflection of reality and we buy all these messages.
But the reality is far too rich and diverse to be summed up in 1h30 of film. And happiness is not sales. There is no suspense, there are no tears.
We must get rid of all the erroneous beliefs about love that have been conveyed and transmitted for centuries by unhappy people or people seeking to sell and rather learn and feed on the example of happy people who know some recipes for happiness.
But to change your beliefs, you have to accept to let go of known suffering to make way for unknown happiness.
And the unknown is scary. The known, even if it is suffering, is comfortable, reassuring. We ended up taming suffering, it keeps us company. Taking the risk of letting go of our comfort even if it is painful, it is scary.
What if we can’t find anything to replace it? After all, everyone talks about happiness, but no one has ever put it in a box, you can’t touch it, or dissect it… Does it really exist? It is a sacred risk to throw his suffering and his beliefs in the trash.
Fortunately, we can all find that courage in ourselves. The courage to refuse to adhere to limiting beliefs, the courage to take back power over our lives and decide to create our happiness.
Rediscover the taste for adventure, discovery, rediscover the belief in love, in the passion that can be found over the years in a relationship built on solid foundations of trust, sharing and complicity.
There is no fatality. You can have the love you dream of and build a much better life than anything you can see in the movies.
It’s work and daily maintenance. And it’s a great adventure. It’s laughter, fun, teamwork. Love is happiness. Don’t be convinced that suffering is one of them.