Mindful listening protects you from toxic relationships


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Why know how to listen? Because knowing how to listen is as important as knowing that words are powerful and can turn into evil…

“Other people’s words turn into evils and these words control you?

Accept or change your strategy. »

Not everyone uses the verbal in a congruent way. We don’t always speak consciously, and in that case most of the time we are not completely in the ‘now moment’. The messages received which travel through the different filters specific to each interlocutor produce a significant distortion between the intention of the message sent and the meaning of the message received.

Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) observes a particular interest in the word, in the construction of sentences that resonate deep within each of us. Each personal story, each of our maps of the world potentially entails different affective charges that they have for us: cultural, social, spiritual, affective connotation… These words can make us feel like an alpha state, a hypnotic trance… In general we use these kinds of words to describe very personal, sometimes intimate things that affect us deeply. Learning to listen well is important to detect these words, these hypnotic phrases, specific to each person even if these words represent only a small part of the communication.

Among all the hypnotic words, there is one that most often triggers attention, often a certain amount of comfort, for everyone: it is his first name. Use it and you will create a close relationship that will facilitate your exchanges. Remember various situations; did you hear your first name? Do you use the first name of the people you are addressing? For all, or only some…

When you hear your first name, don’t you have the reflex to turn around, to react, to feel something in your body? The simple fact that a person uses your first name: is this already a form of recognition, influence, manipulation? If it’s someone you don’t know very well yet, or even just met, the effect is even stronger, isn’t it? In a way, it’s even flattering to think that the other has picked up our first name so quickly. It’s as if you already mattered to this person, as if this person recognized you in your entire individuality, almost intimately…

Even if benevolence fortunately characterizes many people, the power of the simple use of the first name is a “tool” known to manipulators who, in this specific case, have a certain secondary benefit from this practice. This is a good start to build trust and if you are an  emotionally dependent person  ….. beware danger!

Never pronouncing or no longer pronouncing the first name of a person you meet is like gradually erasing part of their personality, like erasing a little of who they are… Refusing to use people’s first names, c It’s a way to make them transparent, to dehumanize them in your own gaze, and, little by little, in their own gaze. Here again it is malevolence, manipulation and you must run away from this kind of person immediately!

Even if you do not yet know this “strategy”, you can now practice it with all the benevolence which, I know, is yours. Man is, it seems, an animal in search of meaning. A double meaning. A meaning linked to the intention or purpose of our actions and our choices which aim to satisfy our core values. Any other interpretation is pure speculation, right? And another meaning linked to the cognitive means used unconsciously to nourish these values. Indeed, in a given situation, we have habitual ways of organizing our thoughts and directing our attention. We filter the information available in us and around us to create the mental maps that will organize the action. It is particularly interesting to know how to understand our mental maps and for example as I practice it, to create a projection in mind map paper (or on computer). These “meta-programs” somehow represent the major trends in our thinking and you would be surprised to learn how to get to know yourself more and more with a powerful methodology…

By organizing our thinking and directing our attention, “meta-programs” influence our representations of a situation, and determine how we feel and act. We are at the heart of the system of self-influence or self-manipulation of individuals. An influence that concerns us first and foremost. I found it great and sometimes confusing to discover my self-manipulation patterns to facilitate or sabotage the achievement of my goals. Because those influences and strategies that remain in the unconscious state have the most powerful effects. The problem is never the system of influence in itself, but its inadequacy to a situation. NLP/PNL and Tony Buzan’s learning technologies have become tools of unexpected power that have totally changed my daily life.

It is not enough to speak to each other to understand each other, especially when we speak the same language. It is still necessary to know how to connect to the ways of thinking of the other. Ask the right question and observe carefully what is happening in the other, be fully, totally present: the physical reaction, the structure of his language gives you keys to identify how the other influences himself and not what he knows of his way of thinking. It is the difference that makes all the difference among communication methods. And you have the words that have power, that of triggering and maintaining a person’s motivation for example. Without forgetting that this other person is often yourself. The “meta-programs” indeed manifest themselves through the language verbal and non-verbal.

When you become aware of the unconscious mechanisms of influence, you will be able to use them more effectively and more respectfully of yourself and others. And understand why communication is an art. And also that your ability to influence the other is a function of your ability to establish relationships of trust both with yourself and with the other. Your ability to influence, not “manipulate,” is a powerful safeguard against malevolent influences that truly protects you from toxic relationships .

Open yourself up to the possibility that others no longer have that power over your emotional response because now I know you know you just have to decide to learn how to better use and hear words so you don’t feel them. turn into evils.