Possessive man and controller: characteristics and attitudes


Although socially there is no prototype of a possessive and controlling man, certain characteristics and attitudes are common to what we can state to define them. Nevertheless, it is important to bear in mind that they can be very different individuals with regard to social and economic status, age, education, religious beliefs, political leanings and others. education.

Attitudes of possessive and controlling men

The first warning signs are negativity, worthlessness and rejection towards the partner. These signals are disguised behind false modesty using the excuse that these are just self-improvement remarks. To that, one adds daily interrogations on the details of the daily newspaper. The problem is that little by little, the victim loses his identity. She places less importance on behaviors that cause her suffering and pain. She also begins to measure each of her words in order to satisfy.

Nonetheless, at the start of the relationship, this may be normal behavior showing the partner’s preoccupation with daily activities. Sending a message, calling several times a day. But where is the limit?

The danger arises when the desire to know about the other becomes an obsession and interest turns into control. The controlling personality does not usually manifest itself early in the relationship. It develops over time.

While this type of behavior can be adopted by both men and women, we will focus this article on the traits and characteristics that describe possessive and controlling men. They are individuals filled with insecurity and lack of confidence.

“Defend your life, fight for your independence, seek your happiness and learn to love you. “

-Izaskun Gonzalez-

Main characteristics of possessive and controlling men

Obsessive personality

The possessive and controlling man is characterized by an obsessive personality . It is about checking everything that surrounds it. This type of man always seems to be on the defensive. He gets angry easily and sometimes he tries to contain his aggressiveness.

He is obsessed with controlling where his partner is at all times, who she is with, and what friendships she has. It turns into something very important in the relationship. Although she told him what she was going to do and where, he will still try to verify the information. To do this, he will ask questions, use family or friends to verify that what has been said is indeed true.

It is important to keep in mind that each of us is a free person and that no one has the right to decide who we go out with or how we dress . It would be a lack of respect and an inhibition of our freedom.

Sick jealousy

Jealousy is generated as a response to deep feelings of insecurity and lack of self-confidence projected onto the partner. Thus, it usually arises when one feels that the love of the other is in danger or when one experiences the fear of no longer being the center of attention of the loved one, without this being certain. . In fact, jealous people fear abandonment, are emotionally dependent, and suffer from chronic insecurity.

Although the majority of people are not able to relativize this feeling and put it in context; possessive men experience great difficulty when they have to deal with it. In this way, jealousy will eventually dominate them and it will be expressed through critical, controlling and sometimes even aggressive behaviors.

Control of social networks and other devices

In addition to calling and texting several times a day, a possessive and controlling man is able to disturb himself when not immediately answered. If this happens to you early in a relationship, your best bet is to talk about it. If he still can’t figure it out, your best bet is to walk away. If this happens in a stable relationship, it’s best to talk about it or see a professional.

It is important to keep in mind that the cell phone is a personal item and that no one should control our calls and messages since they are part of our private life.

“Communicating is important, but when the calls are continuous it can be phone harassment. The goal is to know where you are, with whom and what you are doing at a specific time. ”

Feeling of possession

Cohabitation with a possessive and controlling man is practically unbearable since it can end up subduing or erasing the other person.

On the other hand, this type of profile generally experiences a deep sense of possession of the other. This means that he considers the other to be his property and that he has the freedom to decide for her regardless of her opinion. This usually turns into a situation of psychological abuse. The victim may end up having serious difficulty seeing reality objectively, the result of personal deception.

In these cases, it is important to eliminate the concept of belonging in love as well as the belief that jealousy is a demonstration of this feeling. Love has nothing to do with possession, the need for control, freedom, respect and trust. For this, it is important to establish certain boundaries in relationships.

“It is necessary that we love you as you are, but above all that we value you and that we respect you. “

Requirement: to change tastes and the way of being

As a general rule, the possessive and controlling man will encourage his partner to put aside his passions, worries and friendships. He will want to prevent her from taking an interest in something that he cannot control.

In extreme cases, possessive men can achieve verbal or physical aggression with the other person so that they behave as they expect and want . However, in these situations, the most important thing is to seek help, both professional and legal.

Finally, let’s not forget the fact that in a couple relationship; it is love that must prevail as well as respect and the desire to help the other to grow.

“Where someone fights for their dignity, for equality, for freedom, look them in the eye. “

-Bruce Springsteen-

Source: nospensees.fr