The 5 stages of a loving relationship

When we talk about love, it is common knowledge that it is a feeling strongly marked by passion, emotion. Whether it flows as gently as a stream or burns like a flame, you can’t really control it. Faced with this romantic and idyllic description, it is difficult to imagine that the evolution of a love story can follow a logical pattern.

Love is a feeling, a rather confusing experience. All the certainties that once defined his universe can suddenly disappear. For many people the unknown is scary and in this sense love is a scary feeling. It strikes without warning, they say.

But despite all its magic it is something that follows a set of steps. And because of this, it is therefore not as stealthy as the legend claims.

1. Awakening

You can only truly fall in love when you are ready to be. The awakening is expressed in the form of a revelation that seizes without necessarily having ever taken the trouble to dwell on the question. Suddenly it becomes clear to us that our interest in a certain person goes beyond mere friendship. Or that what we thought was dead and buried has in fact never disappeared. This is the moment when we start to say to ourselves “ I have to get my ex back ”. It is therefore a sudden peak of interest that can arise from a first meeting, or a reunion with an ex.

2. Concern

Then comes the stage of concern. This special person occupies all our thoughts. We think about it constantly with the only desire to have it nearby to talk to it or simply contemplate it. Its presence in your mind makes it difficult for you to organize your thoughts during a meeting. The mug you’re holding slips out of your hands as you look dumbfounded, almost silly, and dreamy. Of course the magnitude of the phenomenon varies from person to person, but the common denominator is this important presence in your mind. It can be highly inspiring or on the contrary take away a good part of your ability to think and concentrate.

3. Idealization

You sink deeper. During the  phase of idealization , everything the other does becomes fascinating. His way of holding himself, of speaking, of laughing, his little quirks. From this moment, we install the object of our desire on a more or less large pedestal according to the personalities. You look for faults that could possibly be blamed on him but most of your discoveries make you want this person even more. At this point it’s almost impossible for this girl to be wrong as almost everything she does is exciting.

4. Clumsiness and anxiety

From here things start to get tougher. This is indeed the stage from which you begin to seriously commit yourself to charm the chosen one of your heart. You want to know what she (he) thinks. Has she noticed your interest in her? Is he even aware of all the good that you think of her? You didn’t wear deodorant today. Maybe she noticed? You’re just too nervous and worried to try anything. The best thing to do is to take a deep breath and calm down. Easier said than done you think and you’re probably right. It is completely normal and natural. We want to impress this person so much that we come to think that they are evaluating our every move. There is nothing more stressful than wanting to be perfect.

You end up getting over your fears and making your request, which is accepted. It’s the beginning of a relationship that will gradually lead to an increasingly shared intimacy. Maybe you’ve already ended up under the duvet several times. But true intimacy, the one that leads to real complicity, depends very little on sex.

5. Towards the True Beginning

Little by little you evolve towards a situation where everything is going for the best in the best of all possible worlds. Love shines brightly under the stars and life has never been so beautiful. At this stage you literally have the impression of floating.

Then comes the panic. Everything is going so fast, everything is going so well… What if we crashed. “Oh my God I don’t even want to think about it”. At this moment reality hits us. The story is really serious, we are making lots of plans for the future. But we also realize how much we have to lose if the other decides to leave. “ How do you recover from a breakup if it were to happen now?”

By getting rid of this somewhat unfounded panic, we can truly approach the final phase of a romantic relationship that no longer only fuels the fire of passion.

This passion certainly helps in the beginning to maintain the connection. But the shared intimacy must grow and the commitment deepen in order to replace the passion that in most romantic relationships fades over time.