Separation is a painful moment. We can live these moments of life as an immense sorrow.
The feeling of an immense emptiness.
The feeling of losing a part of yourself.
There are different separations, the ones you expect, the ones you feel coming and the ones you don’t see coming. These separations that leave you in a vacuum. These separations which dig into your stomach and which leave an emptiness in your heart.
And then you wonder how I’m going to get out of this path without light, where I feel abandoned? How am I going to see the blue of the sky again and keep going?
Separation, a wound of abandonment?
You loved me on February 14 and you left on February 15.
When someone tells you their love and shows it so deeply and overnight that same person leaves you alone without news, it is an extremely painful emotional change. It’s a wound that is deepening inside you.
The wound of abandonment is created when one is a child. The child feels abandoned or not loved enough by the parent of the opposite sex.
In the brutal separation in a couple when the man or the woman leaves without any explanation, it is a return to his own inner wound of childhood.
Separations are not accompanied enough these days. We often say that we will quickly move on to something else. And yet, these are necessary life passages that need to be accompanied.
And it is then a real inner journey that must begin.
You left and you promised to come back in a few days.
Then your messages became rare.
Your words of love became automatic and soulless.
Anger then came to me and so did the truth.
You had left for another.
It took me weeks to recover physically. I was weak, sad, devastated.
My heart keeps track of this void you created.
My heart will keep the gaping hole you created by leaving me like this as if I were nothing. That’s what I told myself for weeks.
The little warrior was at rest, without strength.
Separation is one less shield.
How we would like the other to come back, to realize that he was wrong, that he did wrong.
All these thoughts make a pretty party in the head. We rehash the memories, we redo the film and we look for what went wrong.
You feel like you’re a real screenplay pro.
Then… we let go, we drop…
And then we go through self-surrender, we knock on the door of the wound of our self-esteem.
We feel disarmed of the most beautiful shield there is for ourselves: The love that the other shows us, offers us.
Because the love of the other is also the spark, the life of its environment. The beautiful mirror of oneself through his words of love, his embraces.
But isn’t love for two also putting down our arms together? To be naked in front of each other and to hold this shield of love together.
But when it is no longer held by one or the other, well, you can feel disarmed, disliked, alone and abandoned.
The shield on the ground, I knelt down.
I felt my legs drop and I put my head on the ground.
I felt the end.
In this separation, it is the return to inner solitude. Messages that no longer come. The bubble of sharing and reciprocal sweetness that goes away… that goes out.
I lost myself.
I even shouted saying you were a coward.
And then I ended up feeling my vulnerability, my letting go and a return to my true strength within me.
My new beginning…
The separation, there is not only one end
Yes you left. There was no going back.
No more room for you in my heart of love which was nevertheless so big for you.
Yet encounters do not happen by chance.
I left time, friends to accompany me.
And there I understood that there is not only one end.
I opened my eyes to my release. I took off my shell that finally I had had for years and by your departure, I broke it. I removed it from my body. And I left this shield on the ground.
The separation can be a great liberation for oneself despite the pain, the immense hurt and the tears of sorrow that remain within oneself.
She puts abandonment back in the forefront.
Then comes back to us our love in our history.
But not just any our own self-love.
I learned to love myself without you.
I’ve learned to let the shield down now and no longer hide in love and make choices that ultimately weren’t meant for you. Choices that are mine and mine. And I turned the next page.
Yes in the separation in love there is not only one end…there is the continuation.
Another meeting that accepts me in my LOVE and without a shield.
There is you who have now arrived.
And who takes me in my past wound and without my shield.