Singles in spite of themselves, I sometimes call them Teflon singles because it would seem that any effort they put into having someone in their life is doomed to failure. I was once a Teflon bachelor… I had such low self-esteem that I couldn’t imagine that another person could love me and when another person loved me I didn’t feel up to it of this relationship. I was a complex man full of fears that I didn’t want to admit! All these fears and complexity made me impervious to love. I had an unconscious fear of being trapped by love. I realized this because when I fell in love with an inaccessible woman, I lost interest when she loved me… Loving from a distancewas less frightening than loving face to face. My fears governed my relationships.
If you have many conscious and / or unconscious fears about love, these will act as a Teflon element in your romantic relationships. The fears will be ‘counterbalanced’ by a large number of rules and demands. The more fears there are, the more rules and requirements there will be regarding the choice of a life partner. There are people who have so many rules and requirements regarding the ideal partner that they are left alone all their lives!
How is it that a person who has the desire to have a romantic relationship never succeeds in obtaining it? … How is it that for other people love occurs naturally in their life and without any constraint? Childhood learning of course plays a very important role in such a situation. If you’ve been raised in an environment where love is synonymous with submission, conflict, violence, indifference, and rejection, you’ve probably developed some very sophisticated defense or protective mechanisms that will work against it. of your adult desire to love and be loved.
People who are single for life and people who are unable to have a romantic relationship have many benefits in remaining in this situation. One of these benefits is not living or being subjected to the pattern of love that they observed or learned from their parents. The benefits of living alone are the benefits of avoidance. Avoid loss of identity, avoid suffering, avoid loss of freedom, avoid conflicts etc. We could reformulate these benefits as follows: preserving identity, preserving well-being, preserving freedom of choice, decisions and actions, preserving peace, etc. If several parts of your being believe that love could destroy you, be sure that those parts of you will do everything in their power to keep you a Teflon bachelor …
The romantic relationship model of past generations was based on the loss of the freedom to be oneself in the relationship. Each partner of the couple was confined to specific roles and often became the shadow of the other. The woman was to be submissive, have children, bring them up, maintain the house and spend her time complaining about all the misfortunes in the world. The man had to ensure the subsistence of his wife and children, work hard, cut himself off from his emotions and suffer in silence.
Our main model of the romantic relationship comes from our parents.
Most people identify in their relationships with the model acquired from their parents. Others develop an anti-pattern in reaction to patterns they have learned. We then develop a large number of requirements about what we want from a romantic relationship in order to avoid the trap of the model acquired from previous generations. It all gets very complex and turns love into something complex… The results of these old models speak for themselves, with 50% of people failing their relationship, and I’m not talking here about failures that don’t end in partings. and where people stay together for the fun of it.
Love is not complex . It is the easiest and most natural thing in the world for a child to love and be loved. We have, however, made it complex by the maze of our beliefs. The Teflon bachelor is torn between his dream of a true passionate and authentic romantic relationship and the legacy of fears, rules, rigidities, suffering, guilt, sorrows and disappointments acquired from his family and from previous generations.
How is it possible to meet love when it is synonymous with loss of identity within oneself? Answer: we run away from it every time we meet it; we become in love only with an inaccessible person who rejects us and we thus remain a Teflon bachelor frustrated at not being able to live a true romantic relationship!… That’s what I lived for many years. I discovered the path of love for another person through the path that I have walked towards loving myself. I often say to my partner Maureen: I would never have met you if I had not learned to love myself. I would never have been able to keep you in my life if I hadn’t learned to love myself.
Truly loving each other and loving each other in all facets of our lives is therefore a very important element in the desire to live a lasting romantic relationship. The more you love yourself, the more that love you radiate around you and if there are no internal restrictions on attracting love, then it is only a matter of time before you meet the love of your life. It sometimes happens that a person believes they have no restrictions on being in love but continues to be alone because their restrictions take the form of invisible filters, however, even if they are not perceived these filters prevent the relationship to occur.
So what are the elements required to end celibacy? …
A deep will to love yourself and to love people so that the light of this love shines around you.
Become happy because happy people are wonderful companions on the road.
Believe that you can have a fulfilling and happy married life.
Develop self-esteem in any way you believe in.
Be proud of who you are.
Be confident that what you want will happen!
Examine and change the restrictive beliefs of the romantic relationship model acquired from previous generations.
Examine the benefits of being alone and see how many of those benefits you could translate into a romantic relationship.
Look at what a romantic relationship would allow you to manifest from within yourself. Example, if I was in love, I would be open, confident and caring. Become open, confident, and caring, as you convey your thoughts and feelings and you receive based on what you convey. Don’t pull or push on whatever you want. If you pull or push, it means that there is a fear somewhere that it is not working and that fear will generate stress that will prevent you from getting what you want.
This brings me to another aspect of celibacy, celibacy caused by a breakdown in the romantic relationship! Why are many of those who have experienced the breakdown of a relationship unable to experience a new relationship? Because they have experienced a physical separation but they have not experienced an emotional separation. They did not mourn their old relationship, because it is still present inside them … Sometimes spite, anger, hatred, resentment towards the other or even guilt, remorse, shame and disappointment with oneself occupy so much space in people’s hearts that there is no room for a new romantic relationship. The fear of going through the same situation again is also a major obstacle to a new relationship. You can access a new relationship when you transform the negative emotions of the previous relationship into positive ones!… How to break the Teflon effect of celibacy?… Become the person you would be if you were in love at this very moment!… Solve the fears and the ancient patterns that you learned to live within, truly become yourself and be friends with people. Become someone everyone is looking for. Just become yourself.