Together but not tied up: the Sioux legend about romantic relationships

According to an ancient and beautiful Sioux legend, for a couple to last and be happy, the two members must  fly together, side by side but never tied up, never being  slaves. Car amour authentique n’emprisonne mais pas deux individualités unit in a project même, sans que l’un des deux and Ait renoncer être à son propre, a clean personnalité.

It is curious to see how the ancient wisdom of the Native Americans endures today and how much they inspire us with their stories and their sometimes magical legends and always able to awaken a force in us, by telling us facts. which in some way continue to be useful and meaningful. Among all this anthropology of knowledge, it is almost always the Sioux people who have given us the most thanks to their vast cultural treasure.

“  Taken individually, we are all mortal. Together we are eternal. “


We owe them for example the legend of the dream catcher and also this gift in the form of a fable through which offers us a sensitive but clear lesson on how to build a stable and happy couple relationship. It should also be remembered, because it is an interesting fact, that  we have at our fingertips the fascinating book Tales and Legends of the Sioux Indians of  Zitkala-Ša .

This very interesting woman author was the first Sioux Indian educated in the West; she also defends the traditions of her people, plays the violin and is a great activist. It was she who, at the beginning of the 20th century, brought us part of her cultural heritage through texts as simple as they are wonderful, in which we find this magnificent legend that we will now study in depth.

Love, the individual and the couple for the Sioux

An old legend has it that a young couple of Sioux Indians went one morning to visit the village shaman. They lived near  Paha Sapa,  the current Black Hills, considered sacred to these people. The youth was a brave warrior and in his heart dwelt both honor and nobility. At Nuage Haut, the young woman with slanted eyes and long hair, we found great determination and, above all, this deep love for the one who was to become her husband.

The reason why they had decided to visit the shaman was very important to them: they were afraid,  afraid that their commitment, that this devout and firm love that they now swore to each other would be broken in some way. They were also afraid of dying and not ending up in the Hereafter. They wished that the old wizard would give them a cure, a spell or a spell so that their love would be eternal.

The challenge

The old shaman looked at them for a moment with his aquiline face wrinkled with years. He smoked a few pipes, frowned, cleared his throat and, finally, took the young woman’s hand:

  • If you want to keep this loved one by your side for a long time, you will have to take a journey. It won’t be easy, I’m warning you. You will climb to the top of this hill that you see at the bottom and you will hunt a falcon with your own hands, the strongest and the most beautiful that you will see. You will then have to bring him back alive, right here, on the third day after a full moon.

Then the shaman turned to the young warrior.

  • As for you, you must know that your task will be so complex and demanding. You have to go to the top of the highest mountain in our region and hunt an eagle. The most beautiful, the most vigorous, the wildest. You will then have to bring him back here, the same day as your beloved.

The result

The young Sioux woman and her beloved succeeded in the challenge proposed by the old shaman. She had caught a hawk and put it in a skin bag. The young warrior, meanwhile, carried his eagle. The most beautiful, the strongest. When they got to the old wizard, they asked what would be the next step:  Sacrifice the birds and bathe us in their blood, maybe?

– Now you must do what I tell you:  take the birds and tie them by the legs with a leather tie. Thus, one will be attached to the other and vice versa. Then you will have to release them so that they fly freely.

When the two young people realized what had been asked, they were dumbfounded and speechless when they saw the result. The only thing the two birds managed to do when they tried to fly was to fall over and over again. Frustrated and angry, they started pecking each other.

The old shaman approached them and separated them. Here is the spell that I am going to give you: learn from what you have just seen. If you bond with each other, and even if it is with love, the only thing you will be able to do is drag each other, hurt each other, and be miserable. If you want your love to last, fly together, high in the sky, but never become attached to each other. For true love unites but does not imprison.

The emotionally ecological couple: together but never attached

Together but never attached,  by Jaume Soler and Mercè Conangla is another equally interesting book that perfectly delves into this central idea brought by the old Sioux legend. These authors invite us to  be able to build what they call an adequate “emotional ecology”.

“The ability to laugh at the same time… that’s love. “

-Françoise Sagan-

In this complex challenge of building a stable, happy, mature and enriching couple relationship, it is necessary to balance forces and spaces and to create an alchemy where ”  one is oneself without ceasing to be two” . It is also necessary to never lose the path of identity, the space of self-esteem, the garden of self-esteem and that private room where our dreams and all that defines us dwell.

In addition, and to conclude, it should be remembered that this legend and the principle of emotional ecology can be applied to any type of relationship, whether in friendship or in a family relationship. Because at the end of the day,  in any union, we are obliged to safeguard the individual spaces so that we can preserve the magic of this alliance.

It is necessary to remember this.