We love each other as we would like to be loved

How do you make someone like you, find you more attractive, or feel comfortable around you? How do you balance flirting and building a relationship with a date? How to give and receive love in your couple?

One of the striking characteristics of human social interactions is unconscious mimicry; people tend to adopt the posture, mannerisms and behaviors of others without realizing it. Unconscious mimicry also plays an important role in amorous interactions ranging from seduction to conscious and lasting couple. It is one of the greatest constants we observe in the way we love and receive love.

In several publications available on this site, we have separately examined the goals of building a lasting and conscious relationship. For example, we discussed how to break the ice with a new partner, how your personality can make you more attractive, and how you can build a lasting relationship . Although effective, this approach can be a multi-step process. While digging, I found research on the power of persuasion and seduction of mimicry.

love and brain cells

Have you ever noticed that you can feel what your partner is feeling, even without exchanging words? For example, have you ever been able to sense when your partner is worried, sad, or upset? This ability to “read” the other is not a romantic fiction, but rather a function of the human nervous system.

Science has recently identified a type of brain cell known as a mirror neuron. These mirror neurons are distributed throughout our brain. These amazing little cells actually allow us to feel the emotions of the people we care about.

Feeling the emotions of those we love puts us in a better position to respond to them in an appropriate and empathetic way. When our feelings are in sync with each other, a clear message is sent: I am with you and your feelings are important to me.

Research also shows that conflict and excessive negative emotions can disrupt this amazing mirror neuron system. Disengaged couples are no longer as able to send and receive clear and precise messages. The partners then have the feeling of not being heard and of not being important in the eyes of their partners. This contributes to accentuating relational disengagement.

Mimicry and seduction

The women were asked to randomly imitate (or not imitate) their male speed-dating partners, who were assigned to them every five minutes. At the end of the speed-dating session, the male participants were asked to rate the female participants on a number of criteria. The results showed that the men gave a higher rating to the participants when the latter had imitated them. Imitation also significantly increased men’s ratings of interaction quality, as well as women’s sexual attractiveness.

Mimicry also has other prosocial and persuasive effects, since copying the behavior of others makes them more helpful and more likely to comply with a request. Therefore, it can be beneficial for men to imitate others as well, especially to build relationships with romantic partners and be more sympathetic.

“Each being falls in love in their own way: for some, you must first be looked at. They follow suit, animate in them mimetic feelings. The desire of the other has power over theirs. They can’t resist the pleasure of satisfying another’s appetite. Feelings are contagious to them. –Alice Ferney

Mimicry in love life

From research, it appears that occasionally copying a partner’s verbal and non-verbal behaviors can have positive effects. Specifically, if you want your partner to feel more comfortable, more agreeable, or like him or her more, mimicking some of their behaviors can help. This imitation can also increase his perception of your sexual attractiveness.

Additionally, this type of mimicry may be associated with other flirtatious and nonverbal behaviors that promote romantic interactions. It can also be helpful, especially if you notice and copy your partner’s positive and open body language. Repeating your partner’s words or phrases can reinforce other techniques to make the conversation more engaging and highlight topics that elicit various romantic feelings.

The love we give is the reflection of the love we wish to receive.

Of course, we have all experienced those moments of well-being when the energy between our partner and us flows naturally. Other times we may be in a relationship with someone exciting or charming, but somehow the energy isn’t flowing, or you may feel like you have to try harder to feel heard or understood.

These relationships can be satisfying, but you feel like some of your needs are being swept under the rug or you don’t understand why your partner doesn’t seem to appreciate your kind words or warm gestures.

It’s no secret that genuine, legitimate relationships take effort. They require compassion, understanding and commitment to each other. Perhaps understanding each other is the secret to lasting relationships.

If you and your partner are having trouble sending and receiving clear emotional messages to each other, there is something you can do. Do you see !

Gary Chapman invented the five love languages, which help us understand each other and how our partner gives and receives love:

  • Kind words .  Hearing or receiving positive phrases or words of encouragement helps them feel secure in the relationship and reminds them of their value, which is something.
  • Physical touch . These people are very touch oriented. Their sense of belonging is reflected in physical interactions that are not always linked to sex. Some find that they bond more closely to their partner through physical closeness and intimacy with them.
  • To receive presents. This type of partner finds affection in material gifts, but they don’t have to be expensive. Simple gifts, like picking a flower for them on a nature hike, or picking up their favorite coffee while shopping, have a big impact on someone who appreciates this kind of love language. These partners appreciate the physical objects in their lives that remind them of your love and devotion to them.
  • Quality time.  Shared activities are important, whether it’s long car trips and conversations in the car, impromptu walks, cooking together, bathing, sharing a conversation, or deepening emotional bonds. For someone with this type of love language, it doesn’t matter where you are or what you’re doing, as long as you’re together.
  • acts of service.  They find their deepest connection with their partner by doing things for their partner, and letting their partner do things for them. This type of reciprocity is what they appreciate as commitment and investment in a relationship.

There is no right or wrong love language, and there is no perfect love language. How you interpret and respond to love may differ from your partner’s, and that’s okay. However, it is important to understand each other and respect the limits linked to each language for the relationship to be healthy.

Observing the way your partner communicates his love is an indication of how he would like to receive love. Try to communicate your love in his way. The imitation of the other is a phenomenon that will greatly help the communication of love in your couple, but it takes two to imitate. So communicate this discovery with your partner.