Why are we attracted to toxic partners?

You are a balanced person, you have a good job, a few friends and you never fail to go out when you get the chance. You take care of yourself and move forward in life correctly but surely. Everything is fine except that you systematically come across toxic partners!

You have read everything on the subject. You have consulted several shrinks who made you understand that your problem of abandonment was a problem in your emotional life. You think you have understood, you think you have worked on yourself but nothing helps! You are ready to throw in the towel and admit defeat….

I happen to meet this kind of person in coaching. The common characteristic is a permanent questioning of its own value. We attract what we think we deserve!

If you don’t feel whole or complete you systematically seek someone who will fill that gap. You don’t ask for much until presence and love. But this demand is obviously far too important to be heard by anyone. You owe it to yourself to be “kind” where others know they are.

Your problem is your EGO, it wants to prove itself that it deserves. And as it is by definition “incomplete” you continue your quest until you are thirsty. And since you are looking for what does not exist … it is the rat that bites its tail!

You need to understand one thing: your subconscious will always be attracted to those who activate your wounds. Why ? Quite simply to be able to heal!

The ego is the ” doing ” it must act! To be cured, we have to manage to enter into “ being ”… learn to be who we really are and not what we think we have to do in order to be happy.

The first thing is already to stop judging yourself! Learn to accept yourself in your weaknesses and qualities. This is where you will start to grow!

You will have understood that it is necessary to succeed in eliminating our feeling of guilt and change our harmful beliefs in the development of esteem and love for our own person. But the question is: how to do it !?

The first step is to respect yourself

What does that mean ? You can’t go into a relationship telling yourself that the other is going to change. We cannot say that we are going to love if the other is not near. You can’t count on time because the other is an entity other than mine and their process is none of my business.

A friend of mine once told me that the couple is the “icing” on the cake! And that’s exactly it! It is impossible to find in a relationship what you cannot find on your own. The being that you are is non-negotiable, it is to be taken as it is without waiting for a different tomorrow. Learning to respect yourself is learning to say “no” because you deserve better!

The second step is to clean up!

You can’t keep people who don’t match you! This is what I call ” hopefuls “, people who pull the rug out from under you without warning.

The third step is to listen to yourself!

Don’t waste time knowing full well that this person is not for you. Over time the process will reverse and you will be attracted to those who are right for you. This person will automatically tune in to who you are and what you want.

After you have to make “peace” it is imperative to “forgive”.

I am not asking you to forget because it is impossible! It is about being able to no longer mistreat yourself because error leads to success and you are on the verge of happiness. Let go of your hate, contempt, and regret because negative feelings attract their counterpart. What is done is no longer to be done and you will change and attract to yourself what you deserve.

Forgiveness is the first step towards serenity. Now you have taken stock of your needs and learned to express them in a way that no longer attracts any form of toxicity. The better you treat yourself, listen to yourself and meet your needs, the better you will love.

Jess and you

Visit my website:  http://jessetvous.fr/