After the shock of the breakup, what comes to mind is first of all to refuse this breakup and to do everything possible to recover your ex. No way to capitulate! Impossible to accept that all these years spent with her or him are over.
It is essential to win back your ex to understand that there are steps to follow if you want to achieve your goal and of course mistakes not to make!
How to get your ex back?
- Understand the reasons for the breakup
- Become the best version of yourself
- Ask yourself the right questions
- Use the recovery techniques best suited to your case
- Avoid classic mistakes!
Understand the reasons for the breakup
When one is in the phase of suffering and incomprehension linked to the break, it is very difficult to understand the reasons. The first reflex is obviously to ask the other “But why are you leaving me? “. I know from experience with the people I accompany, that it is very difficult to obtain the real reasons for the breakup. And often, we can even hear ourselves say “but I have nothing to reproach you for, you are perfect” or “I got bored, that’s how it is, you had nothing to do with it”. The one who leaves tries out of benevolence not to add to it and not to make the other feel guilty. Others, on the contrary, will make a non-exhaustive list of all the reproaches that she or he has towards you. Not easy after that, to know where we are, especially since his life as a couple has just collapsed.
You will therefore not only have to accept this breakup but above all analyze according to the elements you have, what led you to be left. or to leave. And yes, you can leave, regret and want to win back your ex.
From your analysis, you will then certainly have the elements on which to work or improve to try to recover your ex. I’m sure that deep down you know what you could have changed to make your relationship work. So nothing is lost, now is the time to act.
Become the best version of yourself
If you are happy, fulfilled, smiling, your ex will ask serious questions! By becoming the best version of yourself, that is to say by being aligned with your values, your goals, not only will you regain self-confidence, you will feel better, but your power of attraction will increase tenfold. . A woman or a man in his head, it shows, it feels and the first or the first who will see it, it will be your ex. It is important to do this personal development work adapted to the break -up you are going through on the one hand to turn the page (even if you keep the objective of getting your ex back) and to move forward towards a new life where you will have learned from your errors.
Ask yourself the right questions !
Why do you want your ex back? this is the first question to ask yourself!
Is it because you can’t imagine living without her or him? Then think about your life before as a couple, would you do it the same or differently? What would you change if you had to do it over again?
Is it because your ego is hurt? You can’t stand that he or she leaves you even if you know full well that nothing was going well in your relationship.
Do you find yourself emotionally dependent on him or her? You miss him or her and it’s visceral, you may have established a relationship of emotional dependence that prevents you from turning the page! The risk is that you will always reproduce the same pattern in your future relationships…
Be able to answer the question “Do I still love him?” “. Did you like the couple you formed? Or did you like the social status it brought you? What exactly do you like about her or him? What didn’t you like about your ex? Watch out for the ego! It often happens that you want to win back your ex for the wrong reasons. Purely ego-related reasons. A breakup hurts the ego, winning back your ex to boost your ego is not the solution.
Use the techniques best suited to your case
If you want to get back with your ex and it works, you have to give him time and you too to take stock of this relationship. A breakup is not trivial. It is never without reason. The separation can be an alarm signal, certainly abrupt, but which acts as an electroshock. It can also mean a point of no return.
I invite you to respect a period of radio silence or just messages for and about children. This radio silence is necessary to do this work of introspection. This work must be done by each of the partners and each on his own. But why are you going to tell me? If it hadn’t been for the breakup, you should have taken stock of your relationship together. You could even have gone to couples therapy to solve your problems. The rupture taking place, it is necessary to respect the choice of your partner namely the separation. Who says separation, says each on his side.
Take advantage of this period to go through the 7 stages of loving mourning and rebuild yourself. Don’t be obsessed with winning back your ex. This may block your rebuild process. Act like it’s over for good. If your ex sees you happy without her or him and she or he still has feelings, you will find that he or she will come back to you naturally. After that it will be up to you to accept it or not.
work on you
Live this period to realign yourself with yourself and with your values. Take the time to think about existential questions. What do you expect from the couple? What are your goals in life? Take stock of your past relationship. Don’t hide your face by telling yourself that it was perfect, I’m sure not.
write to him
Once the period of radio silence has passed, write to him to show him that you have evolved, that you have advanced and thus open the door to a possible meeting. Your letter or your email must be thoughtful, without resentment, without reproach and positive!
This letter will be the trigger. Either your ex, who still has feelings for you, will offer you a meeting to discuss. Either your ex will not answer you or will thank you for your message but will tell you that for him or her, it’s over.
At least you will be fixed. There is nothing worse than waiting for someone who will never come back. If it’s negative, it will still be difficult but a new future without your ex will open up to you.
Avoid classic mistakes!
- Asking your ex why he or she is leaving you. Always asking him the same questions is tiring. It’s also asking for answers to questions that her ex probably doesn’t have or doesn’t want to ask.
- Harassing him with messages or calls to see him or to talk. Respecting his request for separation is a way of cutting ties. Either for a given time or for the rest of life. This period is important to reflect, to see the lack of the other, to see what is still expected of the couple.
- Do not wait long enough to reconnect with her or him. The period of radio silence must last a certain time, but not neither a week, nor two but at least several months, taking stock takes time. Leave time to time.
- Beg him. If you show him/her all the time how unhappy you are or how much you love him/her, it will drive him/her away and scare him/her. Put yourself in his shoes, what would you do in such a situation?
- Do not overwhelm him with all the reproaches or faults in the world. You are two in the relationship, the wrongs must be shared.
- If you see him again, now is not the time to empty your bag. Be positive and don’t look for contentious issues. Instead, talk to him about the lessons learned and what you want to do to make things move in the right direction.
Winning back your ex, good or bad idea?
Good idea !
- Wanting to win back your ex is a good idea to avoid any regrets! At least, if you go back with your ex and in the end, the breakup is needed again, you will have tried everything. No regrets, you will have gone to the end of the relationship.
- Being separated can be good, in the sense that we then realize the real lack of the other. It’s often when we lose someone that we realize how much we love them. It’s sad, but that’s the way it is.
- We are in familiar territory! And that is reassuring. When you’ve spent a long time with someone, you almost know him or her by heart. It’s much more comfortable getting back together with someone you know than starting a new story!
Bad idea !
So getting your ex back, good or bad idea? I have just given the good reasons. The bad reasons are:
- Risk suffering again! If the reconquest of your ex goes badly, you will have wasted time for yourself, to move on but above all, you will return to the stage of mourning the suffering. And start almost from scratch, unless you have followed the program to overcome a divorce where getting back your ex is considered a bonus!
- Losing your self-esteem. Getting your ex back can be seen as a state of submission. To belittle oneself. If getting your ex back doesn’t work, you’ll have a negative view of yourself, like you’ve lowered yourself to seduce him again, to win him back for nothing.
- Do not sleep together again. Getting back together with your ex is super easy. We know him or her very well, we know exactly what to do to get him into bed. And then, it’s the guarantee of having a good time. Certainly. Only here, if you go back to sleep with your ex without having solved your problems and had a constructive discussion on the way you have decided to develop your couple, sleeping with your ex will be neither more nor less similar to a relationship of s*x -friends. You will come away frustrated and even worse hurt, because you have feelings.