The manipulation is vicious . It comes at times when you don’t expect it and you don’t see it coming. After the fact and seen from the outside, the trap seems so obvious, but when you’re in it, when you live it, when you fall in love, when you face a super manipulator, nothing is obvious .
1- Addictive love
Whenever I meet a new client, whether it’s a man or a woman, one of the hardest things to tackle quickly is the notion of love.
- Yes, but I love her!
- She’s my soul mate, we connected right away!
- The chemistry was so great at first, I want it back..
- I can’t live without it, I feel such emptiness without the other.
- When I manage to walk away, he comes back to see me, cries, begs, insists and I end up giving in.
- Even if I choose to leave him, I hope for his call, his text message, a message on my voicemail.
That’s not love…that’s addiction. That’s why it’s so hard to get out of the relationship. The manipulator has created an addiction to him in your brain. True love is lived in well-being, not in invasive expectation.
2- Insulating love
My clients have common characteristics: they have practically no more hobbies, friends, activities outside of the couple because the manipulator wants exclusivity . And what is always surprising in the relationship under control is that the manipulated person thinks (or tries to convince himself) that this situation is normal, that when we love, we always want to be with the other.
It’s not love. Love does not control, it does not isolate, it does not repress. True love needs to be fueled by discussions of different and enriching experiences. Each individual must continue to exist in their own right without the other.
3- Unsupportive love
A manipulator, whether male or female, does not want to see his prey succeed, flourish, be happy, because then he would feel inferior. He is not able to see things otherwise. It will therefore not be supportive in the projects of this one. On the contrary, he will criticize the time she puts into her projects. He will denigrate her efforts and claim that she is doing all this for nothing, that it will not interest anyone.
It’s not love. A project can be crazy and still viable. A project can be small and become big. A project can be led by someone shy who will gain confidence over time.
4- Ignorant love
Once the honeymoon is over, the manipulator is no longer interested in what pleases his prey. He chooses gifts to give him that make him happy, that bring him something, that allow him to indulge in his hobbies. In his head, the other agrees.
It’s not love. When we love, we choose something that corresponds to the needs, interests and desires of the other, which implies that we really want to know what excites the other!
5- Contemptuous love
Many times, my clients excuse and justify the other person’s outbursts of anger, his contemptuous remarks, his outbursts of jealousy, his disparaging comments. Under the pretext that he had a bad day, that he argued with his boss or that the children are noisy, the manipulator explodes and throws hurtful and contemptuous words in the face of his prey.
It’s not love. Living your emotions is not throwing them in the face of others. And the other is not responsible for our emotions. When the first instinct is to attack, if there is no real approach with an external professional, the attacks get worse over time.
6- Sick love
Chez mes clients, il a suffit de quelques mois pour que la relation se détériore tellement qu’ils sont tombés malades. Les infections se multipliaient : grippe, amygdalites, otites, laryngites, etc. Les insomnies, brûlements d’estomac, crises d’urticaires, crises d’asthme, crises de paniques sont devenus fréquents. Le stress de la relation affecte le système immunitaire. Et le manipulateur en profite pour sortir avec ses amis…
Ce n’est pas de l’amour. Quand votre relation vous stress plus qu’elle ne vous stimule, c’est que quelque chose cloche. Une relation est faite de compromis pas de marches sur les oeufs, de craintes de la réaction de l’autre et de doutes continuels sur ce qui a bien pu provoquer sa crise de jalousie!
7- Amour envahissant
Le manipulateur sait ne pas se faire oublier. Il est donc difficile pour mes clients de vraiment relaxer et ne plus penser au manipulateur. Il est désormais dans leur tête. Les décisions sont prises pour plaire au manipulateur ou ne pas s’attirer ses foudres, que ce soit dans le choix d’un vêtement ou l’acceptation d’une invitation!
Ce n’est pas de l’amour. Le véritable amour permet de discerner ce qui regarde l’autre et ce qui ne le regarde pas. Êtes-vous encore capable de choisir vraiment pour vous-même et par vous-même?
If you’re wondering about the true nature of your relationship, it’s because you’re worried about things. When you wonder if you are in a relationship with a manipulator or a manipulator, the simple fact of asking yourself the question is a clue. Your unconscious knows very well what it is all about. You have to face reality.